HCG Beta #2:

Friday Dec 27: I asked to change from progesterone in oil to the vaginal suppositories since DH is deploying and won't be able to give me my nightly bum shots.  I just couldn't stomach giving them to myself.  They are awkward enough as it is and trying to do them standing up is not my idea of a good time.  My nurse had sympathy on me and called in the suppositories.  Granted, those aren't fun either (3 times a day) but I'll take them over the shots.  Did you know that those bad boys cost $1400 per MONTH without insurance?! INSANITY.  I'm thankful Tricare is picking up the tab on that one!

My hpt's are even darker now and that brings me some peace that this isn't a chemical pregnancy like I've dealt with a lot in the past.  For now, things are looking up.  Obviously a very long way to go though...

Monday Dec 30:  I had repeat labs this morning for HCG, progesterone, estrogen, CBC, and PTT (blood clotting times).

CBC: I still have an elevated white blood cell count but that's being blamed on the Prednisone.  There was no change from last week.

HCG: 778.6.  I'm still pregnant! My nurse said it has risen appropriately!  Most likely, there's only one baby in there and for that we are so grateful!

Estrogen: It's high at 877 but my nurse wasn't concerned.  Humm....

Progesterone: 47.  It's gone up and I've been on the suppositories for 3 days so it's safe to say they are working.

PTT: No results yet as it has to be sent out but the last two times all was good. 

Next big appt is Jan 7.  I'll get repeat labs and the first ultrasound.  It's most likely too early to see a heartbeat but the goal is to see a gestational sac and fetal pole in my uterus.  DH will be gone by then and I'm trying to keep my anxiety at bay about it.  Doing this without him is scary.

I know God can call this baby home at any time.  And, He will still be good if He does.  May He have all the glory...forever. 

Journaling and Beta Results:

Dec 18:  I had four vials of blood drawn at noon today.  They are watching my blood clotting timing so it had to be done exactly four hours from my Lovenox dose/injection.  Uneventful really.  I have to go back in to the lab tomorrow and do a fasting blood sugar test because I'm on a decently high dose of Prednisone (40mg).  Blah.  I'm doing fine with the Prednisone but I'm very thankful they are watching my sugars/numbers closely.  Other than waking several times a night to pee from the Pred (and then not being able to fall back to sleep) all is fine.  The hormones I'm taking mimic pregnancy hormones/symptoms so I can't really rely on it as a way to gauge things.  Progesterone in oil will always be my nemesis but after a week into it, I'm just sore. No real knots or terrible bruising as before.  I've been taking a homeopathic histamine blocker and I think it's helping with the swelling and itching.

I've been testing out my trigger shot and it's pretty much all but gone now.  Now we're just waiting to see if the HCG comes back.  Come on babies!

Dec 20: I spoke too soon about the PIO and the Prednisone. They are not my favorite but of course are worth it if this works. But...I’m hurting.

Dec 21: Today I’m 8 days past my 3 day transfer. This is the point when I tested positive with Skittle. Aaaannnddddd...I did. It’s light, but it’s there.

Here is my progression of tests: 

And my bruised belly from Lovenox-because it’s funny! 

Dec 23: Beta blood test was this morning. Results are in! HCG-69 (over 5 is pregnant) Estrogen-223 (over 100 is good) and progesterone is 39 (over 25 is good!) I’m officially pregnant and hormones look great. 

We know that things can change very quickly but I haven’t seen these results since Skittle 10 years ago. I go back in for more blood work on Monday and if things still look good, I will have an ultrasound in 2 weeks to make sure everything is where it should be (and not in my tube).  We’ve lost a lot of babies over the years but this is a big step in the right direction. I’m nervous to accept any congratulations right now but I wanted all my followers to know what’s going on. 

I can’t thank you all enough for loving on us through this and praying your guts out. They have been felt. I will update again next week. Please continue praying that the baby (babies?) grow and stay with us. Much love to you all! 

Transfer Day:

Transfer Day: DH was able to drive me to Birmingham for the transfer today. I had to have a full bladder and that was probably the worst part of all of it. I drank my 16 oz of fresh made celery juice (yum, NOT) and started drinking water soon after getting on the road. My bladder started hurting about an hour before the procedure. Three times I had to empty a little just so I wasn’t all consumed by my very over full bladder! The doc was running behind so I’m so thankful they let me go!

Two embryos made it to today. The third never divided at all. It was one cell (so it never even fertilized). We transferred an 8 cell and a 7 cell today. They looked good but we’ve been down this road so many times before and haven’t had good outcomes. My estrogen is still high and I’m doing what I can to keep inflammation down. I’m on Lovenox and Prednisone again (and of course the standard progesterone in oil awfulness) but so far so good.

A huge thank you to my mama that came out to take care of me and Skittle while DH was gone and to my sister for holding it down with my dad in Houston.  We couldn’t do this without you all!

I leave you with our two beautiful embabies. We covet your prayers and thank you for always encouraging us in this journey. And now we wait to see if they hatch and implant.

SD8, Retrieval, Etc.

Stim Day 8:  We had a busy weekend but managed to get everything done.  I had my stim day 8 scan/blood work done in Birmingham.  Unfortunately my scan showed some free fluid which could indicate that I already ovulated some of the eggs. It was not what I wanted to hear.  I had 8-10 follicles on my left ovary and 4 on my right.  My estrogen was also 3700 and progesterone was 1.2.  My estrogen is now dangerously high and something I wasn't prepared for.  My actual RE called and gave me some options.  He said with my estrogen so high, we run the risk of overstimmulating which causes a whole host of issues.  He said he would normally request his patients with that kind of number to freeze all embryos, wait for the estrogen to come down, and transfer the next cycle.  Because of my history, he knew I wouldn't want to do that.  So, we aren't.  We are going ahead for the fresh transfer on Friday. 

Retrieval: I ended up having my retrieval on Tuesday and thankfully they actually listened to me this time about needing more meds.  I didn't feel anything! But, with more meds means more issues for me.  I was able to make it home before throwing up at least.  It's been a bit of a rough recovery.  I was told they only got eight eggs.  I'm pretty sure I ovulated through the Lupron.  Very disappointing. 

Day After the Retrieval:  I had to wait until a day later to get my fertilization report from the embryologist.  Once again, it's not good news.  Of the eight eggs, four were the right maturity for fertilization.  And of those four, only three fertilized correctly.  I was also told that one of the three was already struggling to divide so they aren't sure we will have that one to transfer come Friday.  We will not have any to freeze and will transfer fresh any/all that make it to Friday.  This was definitely not the news we wanted to hear.  Surrogacy is completely off the table since we have nothing to freeze. Things looked so good in the beginning and now have ended up pretty much exactly like the last round.  Hindsight is 20/20 of course but I wish they would have cut my meds on SD 5 and done the retrieval a day earlier.  I think things might have been different.  I think my follicles/eggs were over mature and couldn't be fertilized from too much stim medication too quickly. 

If you pray, will you pray those three babies make it to Friday and that my uterus will accept them? It's hard to remain positive when we've been down this road so many times but I do believe God can do anything.  He is the giver and taker of life.  Blessed be the name of the Lord. 

Suppression Check, Stims, Etc.

Suppression Check: I went in for my suppression check seven days after starting birth control.  A suppression check is just to make sure birth control is doing what it should, which is keeping my ovaries quiet.  I did my usual bloodwork then had my u/s.  Unfortunately, the u/s showed a ovarian cyst on my left ovary that was 1.8cm. The local nurse told me she wasn't sure if I'd be allowed to continue the cycle or not.  The determining factor would be my estrogen level.  If the cyst wasn't producing estrogen, I would be allowed to stop the bcp's and go on with the cycle.

I got the call around 5pm that my estrogen had actually dropped to 20 and that was really good news!  Everything is still a go! I haven't dealt with ovarian cysts since we lived in Kansas, 11 years ago so I was shocked to see that I had one.

I started twice daily Lupron injections and a low dose steroid.  I got AF again once I stopped the birth control. Isn't that fun? (I had 7 days between periods)  I actually thought AF wouldn't be so bad since I had just had one.  It's not like my lining had a lot of time to build back up...I was SO wrong.  I'm not sure if it's my endo or the cyst that made it so bad.  Blah.

Stim Day 3: Man, I'm already feeling my ovaries.  I'm not sure I've ever felt activity this early before.  I swear I started feeling something after the very first shot.  Again, is it the cyst?  Or a dominate follicle? (Worse case scenario) I just don't know.  I go in for a follicle scan/bloodwork to see what's going on in two days.  I'm also all of a sudden dealing with very itchy injection sites.  Granted, I am doing 4 shots a day in my stomach so that could be part of it but  I wonder if I'm dealing with histamine issues or something.  DH and I have also determined that there are good needles and there are bad ones.  Insulin needles are NOT nice.  It's almost like they are dull coming out of the package (or it's because I have to draw up the medicine with the same needle I inject with?).  They usually have a harder time going in (not smooth, almost jagged like), and the syringe is "sticky" and doesn't push in the meds evenly.  Maybe it's because they are cheap.  Mystifies me. And they hurt more.

DH had an uneventful semen analysis/freeze up in Birmingham.  I'm glad that's done and out of the way.  His results were "beautiful" (the nurses words, not mine) so he doesn't have to go in again to do another one before my egg retrieval next week.

I'm anxious to see what the scans are like...

********************************************

Stim Day 5:I had three vials of blood taken (CBC, estrogen, progesterone etc) and an ultrasound this morn.  And now I know why I was feeling my ovaries...My nurse counted 18 follicles, 7 of which were measurable and near maturity! My numbers are already DOUBLE what they were last round!  I'm waiting for a call from Birmingham to tell me what to do next.

Birmingham called: My estrogen is 1049 (excellent!), uterine lining is 13mm and everthing (for once) looks great! I have to go back in for another scan on Sunday morning in Birmingham.  I stay on all meds until that appt.  I've kind of hit my wall with 4 shots a day.  My ovaries are protesting and the pain is traveling up my sides and wrapping around my back. I have to be careful about lifting heavy objects and quick movements.  I would guess my ovaries are at least double in size.  My egg retrieval will either be Tuesday or Wednesday depending on how things look at my Sunday appt. 

I'll update after Sunday.  Thanks for following along!

Baseline Fun:

This time around, I told myself that I wasn't going to stress about any of this.  Of course plans still need to be made and medication still needs to get figured out but I'm just not going to put any worry into it. At all.  A couple hiccups have happened, but everything has worked itself out. (yeah, that not so nice little email I sent to a pharmacy just so happened to get answered and fulfilled within 10 mins of threatening to order from another company sure helped too. ha!) All meds have been ordered and all received except for one-which should be here tomorrow.  I expect to get AF within 2 days and then I'll hopefully have my IVF calendar to better predict timing/meds etc.

So, I received the Lupron today.  I've been on Lupron, oh, I dunno, 6 or more times.  But this time, it's different.  It's compounded and Tricare said NO for covering it.  My instructions according to the multidose bottle is that I'll be doing 40 units a day.  That's double what I've been on before.  Lupron side effects have never bothered me. I do wonder how it will be this time. (Although, my nurse assured me that even doubling the dose, it's still such a tiny amount, I shouldn't see a difference..uh huh, we'll see)

CD4 Baseline AM: I had my blood drawn (for the usual baseline tests, estrogen, progesterone etc.) and my good vein didn't want to cooperate.  She had to dig around for awhile to get the blood to flow.  I'm sure I'm bruised.  U/S showed 13 follicles.  Not great honestly-and I already have a dominate one at 11mm (I had 30 AFC for my IVF with Skittle if that tells you anything).  I'm waiting now for a call from Birmingham to tell me what's happening next.  DH dropped another little nugget on me yesterday that he has more TDY/training in Dec, exactly when the retrieval is. SIGH.  The reason we pushed this a cycle a month later was his TDY training.  I get it.  He can't help it, but it's still annoying.  Having to freeze his sperm is a last resort in my mind.  We already have so many issues to overcome even with the help of IVF that freezing his sperm is not ideal (as well as logistically difficult) .

Baseline PM: The nurse called with more details.  My E2 is 56 and FSH is 7.5.  All fine.  I requested Lovenox and Prednisone again so she'll be ordering those for me.  And you guessed it, the retrieval is right when DH will be gone.  So yep, he'll be going to Birmingham right before he leaves for his TDY to get his part done.  My mom is coming out to help with the actual surgery since I'll need someone to drive me home.

I had thought for a hot minute that I was doing a "mini flare" protocol as that's what the pharmacist  had said when she saw my meds.  Nope, I really am doing the AL2, which is double the shots.  The doses are split but overall still more stim meds than the last cycle (but also more suppression).  I'll be doing 4 injections per day up to the retrieval.

I'm so thankful that I have this blog!  I was able to go back through each IVF protocol and saw what meds I did and when.  For reference, I'm going to be listing what I'm taking so if someone else is doing IVF and they are curious, it might be helpful. 

My protocol: AL2

Birth Control: 7 days
MicroDose Lurpon: 20 units AM and PM (injection)
Follistim 225 IU mixed with 75 IU Menopur in the AM (injection)
Follistim 300 IU in the PM (injection)
Dexamethasone steriod: PM (pill)

That's not including the supplements I'm on nor anything for the transfer.  That fun will come later. 

I just had my pre-cycle phone call/visit and have a suppression check/blood work on Monday. 

Thanks for following along!

Baseline and SIS:

CD3: CD 1 happened over the weekend so when I called on Monday to make an appt, they had to squeeze me in but honestly, they didn't seem all that busy today when I went in for my baseline appt.  The appt ended up feeling positive, which was a nice change.  I had more blood drawn (They forgot to do my AMH level last time) for normal (estrogen, progesterone, etc) labs and had a u/s to check lining and antral follicle count.  My AFC was 15, which for me is great.  I had to schedule my SIS (saline ultrasound) for Friday of this week.  I'm really not excited for that one.  I was trying to count how many times I've had to do it and I'm thinking I've had an SIS 5 times (or has it been 6?) over the last 12 years.  I'm thankful insurance picks up the tab for it (It's around $500 out of pocket).

The timing for this is getting sticky.  While DH doesn't necessarily have to be here for the retrieval, (we can freeze his sperm) I still want him here.  Sure, I've done this 5 other times but to me, it's still the worst part of all of it and I want my husband there with me.  I've left a note for my RE asking to do a 3 day fresh and now I'm waiting for a call from Birmingham to discuss schedule/timing/meds etc.  Who knows when they'll call me. I'm pretty sure I need to start birth control pills or Lupron like within the next 2ish days. 

CD3 continued: Y'all! Y'ALL.  The IVF coordinator from Birmingham called tonight at 7:45pm.  I was pretty convinced she wasn't going to call at all but she did.  Anyway, my labs looked great so we are a go for IVF.  And get this! They are allowing me to do a 3 day FRESH transfer!  I got the "We don't ever do a 3 day fresh in this clinic but we will allow it for you" speech. YAY!  The problem is that DH has to leave for training for 2 weeks in Nov...which means there was no way to do IVF this cycle at all (if I want him there).  Every way the nurse tried to work it, the retrieval fell during those two weeks.  Basically, because of Christmas/timing for my next cycle, I most likely won't have to do birth control AT ALL (or only a couple days!).  That is HUGE for me!  Again, it's not something they usually do but I'm THRILLED that I won't have to be on it!  I denied the PGT-A testing and had to agree to freeze all embryos if I overstim, but I've never over stimmed before so I don't think I would now.  SO! Two huge positives from today: No/low birth control and I'm allowed to do a 3 day fresh transfer!  Thank you to all that were praying specifically for that to happen!

CD6: My SIS was this morning at 10:00.  I was instructed to have a full bladder (it makes a nice backdrop for my uterine pictures) and I was beginning to freak out that my kidneys just were not going to filter.  I felt like I was decently hydrated but for whatever reason, I had a hard time getting my bladder to fill properly.  Mistake #1: I absentmindedly put dairy creamer in my coffee (when I have NON dairy creamer available!). It was an instant regret as my tummy was in BAD shape pretty quickly.  Mistake #2: I decided last minute before getting in the car, that I didn't need Pepto Bismol.  Yes, yes I did need it but I was already on my way to the appt when I figured that little gem out.

By ten to ten, I still didn't have a full bladder despite drinking a lot of water.  Finally, at 10:05, I felt like I could pee.  In the past, it's always been an abdominal u/s for the SIS but this time, after the cath was placed through my cervix to my uterus, I also got the pleasure of a vaginal u/s.  My bladder at that point went from uncomfortable to unbearable.  At 10:20 the procedure was finished and I was allowed to pee.  (And I managed to NOT pee all over the nurse or myself! Yay!)

Mistake #3: "I'll just stop at the store real quick before going home."  NO, DON'T DO IT ANGIE!  Exactly 8 minutes from emptying my bladder, I had to FULL ON pee again.  Like, bladder is going to explode and I might not make it home type of thing.  It was BAD.  Really, really bad.

After my call from Birmingham a couple days ago, I knew the nurse had put in all my meds at the pharmacy of my choice.  Well, the pharmacy called me yesterday to go over everything and get this...ONE stim med that I need totaled just under $14,000.  You've GOT to be kidding me.  Who in their right mind would pay that!??!?!  Insurance won't touch it, so it's all out of pocket. While I didn't laugh in the pharmacy techs ear, there is NO way I will be paying $14k for one medication.  After my SIS today, I asked the nurses about what I could do.  They printed me off the RX so I can shop around a bit.  Most likely, I'll be ordering from overseas again as the price difference is substantial and since I don't need the meds right away, it should be OK.

My nurse wants me to start stim meds by Dec 1 so now it's just a waiting game to get through this cycle before starting all the fun.

Your prayers have been felt! Love you all!

Journal: Beginning IVF #6

August 2019: I had close to a full year of pain free periods.  For almost a year I didn't have to take ANY pain medication.  It was wonderful, and freeing.  Unfortunately, I'm seeing my symptoms and pain return.  I even broke down and took Ibuprofen.  It makes me sad.  It's only going to continue getting worse.  And before anyone suggests taking out my uterus, that isn't going to happen.

Sept 2019: I had my first ever elective IV!  I joined a friend for "cocktail hour."  By "cocktail hour" I mean, we had the Meyer's Cocktail in our IV drip.  Some friends go get pedicures together, we do IV's.  It consisted of magnesium, B vitamins, and vitamin C plus a lot of fluid for hydration.  IV's aren't exactly the most pleasant experience (esp since I got mine in my wrist) but it wasn't too bad.  I was DEFINITELY well hydrated!  I was due to start AF any minute and this time, I didn't need pain meds!  I do wonder if my level of hydration played a part in that.

Oct 1, 2019: Well...we are starting the ball rolling for IVF again.  It's not a definite thing by any means but I'm going in for a consult with the male doc in my current RE's clinic.  I called Birmingham and asked to switch doctors. I know it isn't personal but it still feels funny since I'm sure I'll still end up seeing Dr. H-esp if she's the one to do the retrieval.  I hope there are no hard feelings but I hate the way things all went down last time.

Things to consider: Do we try and transfer fresh to me?  The only success we had was a 3 day fresh embryo (our Skittle!) and we've never done a 3 day since. Why?  Well, no doc will do it anymore as 5 day embryos have given better implantation rates.  I'm still going to ask about it with my new RE.  I'd want to do an autoimmune protocol and I have no idea if this clinic would know the first thing about it.  The second option is to freeze all like we did last time.  The frozen embryo would then be transferred to a surrogate. The goal would be to get embryos made (if my body will produce eggs) before the end of the year.  Is it possible?  I'm not sure...the timing is pushing it.  Do we pay to have another immune protocol drawn up by Dr. Braverman's clinic?  I just don't know.  Cost: $1600 + travel to NY for a new patient appt.  Cost for appt: $500 with military discount

Oct 7, 2019: Here we go.  I had my first appt with my new doc, Dr. A this morning.  He's kind, a straight-shooter, and I felt like he actually listened to me.  While I do think Dr. H listened and was somewhat empathetic, switching felt right.  The appt was good but completely overwhelming.  It was information overload and obviously this isn't my first go at this so if it was overwhelming for me, I can only imagine what it's like for new patients.  I have so much to process that I need to write it all out to help.  So here goes:

Dr. A agreed with Dr. Braverman (and get this! Dr. A actually KNEW who Dr. B was!  So unlike Dr. H who acted like she had no idea who I was talking about!) that there is NO reason why my body can't carry a baby.   He suggested an ERA-The ERA (Endometrial Receptivity Analysis) is a genetic test that evaluates the expression of genes to evaluate whether the endometrial lining is properly developed to accept an embryo (definition from Google).  I honestly believe that I have autoimmune issues, not necessarily implantation issues but it would be another test I haven't done, another marker to better understand things.  Now, the question comes in, if I don't try and carry, would I need that test? No, I wouldn't. Cost: around $1500 and no, insurance won't touch that.  

I asked about what protocol they would put me on for stimming.  He recommended one called AL2.  It's pretty much the most aggressive protocol out there.  He wants me to do a freeze all cycle and not do fresh so they can better prime the body for transfer (to me or a surrogate).  I agree with that to a point...but I still always go back to that fact that Skittle was a 3 day fresh and not frozen.  A frozen embryo has never worked...BUT maybe the ERA would help remedy that.  SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT.  I would still do Prednisone, Lovenox, baby aspirin etc plus pretty much DOUBLE the amount of stim meds as last time, plus adding micro dose Lupron twice a day.  I am supposed to start back up on the 4567 million vitamins/minerals TODAY.  

PGT: This just opens a WHOLE can of worms, one that I'm not so keen on opening honestly.  It was pushed pretty hard by both Dr. A and his nurse (my all time fav nurse by the way).  PGT is Preimplantation Genetic Testing. It's done via a biopsy of what will become the placenta in an embryo.  "For those people with recurrent pregnancy loss or those interested in defining chromosomal normalcy prior to implantation, PGT-A applies the technology from PGT to improve their chances for a successful pregnancy. Embryos are screened for aneuploidy (missing or additional numbers of chromosomes), which is a leading cause of miscarriage and implantation failure (failure of the embryo to implant into the uterus). The goal of PGT is to identify chromosomally normal embryos, so they can be transferred increasing the chance of pregnancy significantly." Sure, that all sounds fine but then what happens to the embryos deemed "abnormal"?  They are discarded.  While I see the reasoning completely, it's also a moral issue for me.  Could it be that my body isn't allowing the embryo to continue to grow based on chromosomal issues?  It very well could be. PGT-A testing- Cost: starts at $3500.  That's additional to the rest of the cost for IVF.  While Dr. A didn't say he wouldn't transfer to me without it, he sees the benefit since I've had so many failures.  It's a big reason why Dr. A wants me to freeze all...so that they can be biopsied.  My nurse said, "It's one box we haven't checked." I see that but I also don't think my immune system is under control enough either.  When it comes down to it, PGT isn't something we are comfortable with.  As a friend reminded me, we wouldn't abort a baby with down syndrome, so why would we allow a lab to "discard" it?  As morbid as this sounds, I'd rather an embryo die inside my uterus than in a petri dish. I'd want to transfer ALL embryos, no matter their "normality" status-so what's the point in knowing?  We are VERY much in the minority on this issue and will be going against doctor recommendations (just as we did last round).  So, with all that being said, freezing all embryos may not be the best option.  I'd still like to push for a fresh transfer and then freeze any remaining, which we would most likely transfer to a surrogate.  Now, we have to actually get embryos to freeze for that scenario of course.  And I need to figure out if I can do an autoimmune protocol for a fresh transfer.  If not, fresh just isn't going to happen. 

If you want some of the most fascinating scientific data I've seen on PGT-A read this: https://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/fertility/a-final-nail-in-the-coffin-of-pgs-pgt-a/ 
Basically, there's some shady stuff happening around PGT-A and under no circumstances will we be doing it after digging into the research studies on it.

Oct 8, 2019:  I had a rough night processing everything yesterday.  I pulled out all my supplements (because let's be real..I stopped all those bad boys when my last transfer failed), organized everything, and took my first doses.  I felt a whole lot calmer after everything was laid out. 

Oct 9, 2019: I had my physical today.  I survived-even though I'm pretty sure my pulse was over 200bpm.  It's just one of my least fav things to do.  Sure, I've had a billion vaginal u/s's, blood draws, catheters to my uterus, etc but I still HATE having to do physicals.  They rank up there with HSG's (dye tests).  Oh well.  It's done.  I had to update my "every 6 months" bloodwork, get a chlamydia (REALLY!?) swab, breast exam, and have my heart/lungs checked.  I'm interested to see what my FSH is at these days....I was supposed to have my Vit D levels checked too but apparently Tricare won't pay for it so it didn't happen.  

Oct. 14, 2019: Something Dr. A mentioned, as has one of my doctors from San Antonio, was to start supplementing with DHEA.  When it was first brought up to me 7ish years ago, it freaked me out.  It's a hormone and one that can have some very unpleasant side effects.  I refused to take it back then but as this is kind of our "Hail Mary" round, I decided to go ahead and try it.  Dr. A wants me to take 25mg.  I agreed to start with 10mg and see how I feel.  I took the 10mg in the afternoon and I swear I had a hard time sleeping because of it.  I'll try it earlier in the morning from now on.

Plan as of right now: Wait for AF to get a baseline u/s and blood work.  Start the God awful birth control pills for stim cycle. Do SIS testing once on BCP.  Beg Dr. A for a 3 day fresh cycle and any remaining embryos will be frozen and transferred to a surrogate.  As of right now, I am not traveling to NY or paying the money for a new immune protocol.  It's just too overwhelming and I don't want to transfer any more frozen embryos to me so in my opinion, it's not worth it.  While I'd love to do an immune protocol with timed intercourse, we can't due to timing issues (thank you Air Force! and my procrastination/needing a break by not starting this sooner) as we'd have to wait until around Aug of next year to begin.  My eggs aren't getting any younger....

Bravo to you if you've read this far! Love to you all!

Just an Update:

Hey friends.  It's been about four months since I've posted anything so I thought I'd do a quick update.  We returned from a fabulous European vacation in July.  It was a great time connecting with family we've never met and seeing places we've never been.  I had told myself I wasn't going to think about anything fertility related until we got back...and I really haven't.  I needed the break to clear my head.

After I shared my last post, we were given the news that Dr. Braverman had passed away from cancer.  I didn't even know he was terminal-only that he was "sick" when I had talked with Dr. V about my immune panel.  It was a tough blow to the infertility community and we certainly felt it too.  I submitted my surgical records to Dr. V but I heard nothing in response.  Honestly, after reading through them myself, I'm uncertain if all my endo is gone (and I'm not sure the surgery was as aggressive as it could have been).  The thought of having to do surgery AGAIN for a 4th time is NOT appealing, but I will say, up until recently, my period pain level has been almost completely GONE.  I don't even have to take ibuprofen for the cramping it's so mild now.   I think that's a pretty powerful statement to the surgery but it's now been 10 months post op.  My window of opportunity for fertility purposes is pretty much closed.  Is it impossible? No..but I think it's close to it.

I'd love to try Dr. V's immune protocol for timed intercourse with ovulation stimulation. But in doing so, we will have to pay him to monitor me.  It's not cheap (though it's obviously MUCH cheaper than IVF).  AND, I'd have to get my local RE on board.  My plan was to switch RE's (same clinic, different RE) and see if he'd be willing to bend a little with the Intralipid infusions.  A little birdie told me that 2 out of the 3 local RE's are retiring and some big changes were coming that SHOULD allow for more advanced procedures and forward thinking (ahem, like infusions). We'll see.  All of this takes time...and my eggs are definitely not getting any younger. Surrogacy is also still on the table.  There's just so much that goes into it that sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the decisions.

For the first time EVER since getting married, we are staying in the same place for a third year and not moving.  It's such a weird feeling!  While it's SO nice to know that I don't have to start over with a new clinic in another state, the healthcare here isn't really one that I want to stick with.  While this town has grown on me in a lot of ways, the lack of choice in specialty clinics is tough.  We've thought about going back to the San Antonio IVF program, or traveling to Atlanta for care, or going back to AZ with Dr. G (however, it's illegal to do surrogacy in AZ) and even starting over with Dr. B's clinic. We just aren't sure right now what to do, if anything at all.  In the words of Pastor Peter, "Prayer IS the work."

Repeat Immune Testing Follow-Up

There's nothing quite like being told that your body killed your embryo.  While I had suspected that was the case, hearing it from my RI (Reproductive Immunologist) sucked big time.  On Monday, Dr. B's partner Dr. V called me with the results to my repeat immune testing panel.  I was actually given a copy of the blood work so I was able to see for myself the "high" ranged tests (even though I wasn't sure what it all meant). There were a lot of them.  My body had an immune response to the embryo that was transferred, which meant that my body killed our baby.  I asked specifically if it was even worth trying this again and was given a huge YES.   Dr. V said I wasn't on the most aggressive protocol and if we did start over, I would add another medication called Neupogen.  It's a daily injection to increase white blood cells-typically used for cancer patients.  It does look like Tricare would cover the cost which is a positive thing (looks like it costs between $5,000-7,000! Ouch!).  Dr. V said pretty much what Dr. B had told me previously...that I was still young for this and that I didn't necessarily need IVF. He wasn't convinced my surgery in AZ was good enough and wants to see the report and pictures from that surgery before telling me his recommendations.  I am willing to try timed intercourse with monitoring/meds for 3 cycles instead of IVF.  Why?  It would be way easier on my body, cost would be almost nothing (Tricare picks up all ultrasounds, blood work, and meds), and I wouldn't have to interact with my local RE much if at all.  Obviously, the chances of me getting pregnant this way is very, very low but maybe with the right combo of immune suppressant medications, it could happen.

Another option was presented to us.  CNY has been on my radar before and the clinic popped back up again.  They also work with Dr. B and are based out of NY but they are nearly a 1/3 of the cost of doing IVF here in AL.  They have a satellite campus in Atlanta where I could do all of my monitoring (which is still a 2.5 hour drive each way mind you) and then I would fly to NY for the actual retrieval and transfer.   The waiting list just to get a consult is 6 months so I need to call now to get the ball rolling.  I can always cancel it later if we decide that's not the way to go but it's nice to know there is another option instead of going back to my RE. (The thought of seeing her again makes me cringe.)

One thing that did annoy me when talking with Dr. V is that he insisted that Metformin wouldn't cause my kidney infection.  Um...the ONLY thing I was doing differently at the time was taking that medication.  With the first round of antibiotics, I kept taking the Metformin.  The infection didn't go away.  With the second round of antibiotics, I stopped the Met and guess what?  It finally went away.  He wasn't convinced.  He wants me to go back on it.  Yeah, I don't know about that.  He also said I should be on 6g of Myo-Inositol.  That my friends is A LOT.  For the last couple of weeks, I've had TERRIBLE wrist and hand pain again, now in both hands as well as my back (to the point that I can't hold anything in my left hand and I have trouble closing my right fingers into a fist).  I believe it is inflammation caused once again by an immune response.  Granted, my diet went to crap after getting the negative beta and going through the death of our beloved cat.  I do think stress and my diet have a big part in the inflammation issues.  Well, I started the Myo-Inositol back up a couple days ago (3g not 6g) and my pain has lessened considerably.  There might just be something to it.

I am proud to say that I was successful in getting my vit D levels up by 13 points from the first immune panel to the second.  I refuse to supplement other than what is already in my multivitamin so I made it a point to sit in direct sun every day for 10-20 minutes as well as eating wild caught salmon once a week.  I do believe it helped.

Thank you once again for following along with us in this.  I'm still not sure which direction we will go-if any.

I leave you with pictures of our sweet kitty cat.  She is so dearly missed.

We started letting her outside in the backyard once we knew her cancer was back. It was her most favorite place...besides sleeping next to our dog, Jax.

Repeat Immune Testing & RE Follow Up:

Dr. B asked that I say on my immune medications (Prednisone, Lovenox, baby aspirin) and requested an additional/repeat immune panel of blood work to see what's going on.  That's all well and good except I hate coordinating all of it between the three clinics.  I managed to get my RE to sign off on it but it's taken longer than I'd hoped to get it all figured out.  I was supposed to have the blood work kit delivered today but because of weather issues in TN, it won't be here in time for my blood draw tomorrow. SIGH.

I started having all the lovely side effects of Prednisone about 1.5 weeks ago.  Terrible swelling in my face/hands/neck/legs/ankles, retaining water, and stomach bloating to the point of not being able to eat or button my pants (I look 6 months pregnant).  I'd like to think that if I was pregnant, I'd be able to handle it better, but I'm not...so...I'm just done.  Having to push the bloodwork even by one day makes me frustrated but at least there is an end in sight.  The Lovenox isn't fun either but it's doable (I'd do Lovenox over PIO ANY day).  The bruising is pretty bad at this point as I've been on it for a month now.  DH is TDY this week so I'm having to give them to myself...and the one this morning bruised pretty quickly with a knot/welt to go with it.  I've watched videos for tips and tricks to minimize bruising.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

New bruise on the upper right from this morning

I had my follow up with my RE this morning and it was as expected.  Some decisions do need to be made but since we most likely will be out of town with my next AF, I can't jump right back into this anyway so we have some time.  If we do IVF again for surrogacy, we talked about switching up my protocol for better stimming.  She agreed to stim longer and with micro dose Lupron this time (I've done that in the past) or stimming with Letrozole since I did well with that for my transfer cycle.

We are praying now to know what is best and for the next steps.  We don't want to push for IVF/Surrogacy if that's not the direction God has for us.  It's hard to know what is right and what to do.

Thanks as always for following along with us.

Bruised and Broken:

Psalms 100: 1-5 is repeated in our household almost daily. It has brought us a bit of peace during this exhausting and painful experience.

It is again with heavy hearts that we announce to the world that the transfer didn't work.  I am not pregnant.  We are grieving and hurting but we know that God is ultimately in control.  He sees our pain and hears our cries of heartbreak.  While we don't pretend to understand any of this and the "why's" and anger and tears surface frequently, I have been praying that God would use this situation for His glory and that maybe some good can still come from it somehow.

I did get a positive pregnancy test over the weekend, then it sadly went away.  My body is just saying no for whatever reason.  I've tried not to blame not being able to try Intralipid infusions and I'm trying to not blame my RE. We wanted to adopt embryos, even if this transfer had worked but now we believe that my body will reject any we try to transfer.  Surrogacy is very much on the table but knowing that we will have to start over with IVF is daunting.

I once again thank all of you for the support over the past year.  I have an appt with my RE the beginning of March and we will go from there.

FET #5 Transfer Day

Ahhh, transfer day.  The day that we have been preparing for and counting down to for a very long time. We started this process back in April of 2018 and now, 10 months later, here we are.

The day started with an attempt at acupuncture.  But because my tummy is super bruised from the Lovenox, my acupuncturist wasn't comfortable with sticking me right where the bruising/knots were.  I did end up doing moxibustion (the weird herbal thing on my acupuncture points) and relaxing under the heat lamp with it directly over my tummy.  DH snapped this little gem of me:

I am supposed to try to keep my feet warm as much as possible for the next week.  Warm feet=warm uterus.  I am not to let my bare feet touch the cold ground...hey, I love socks so I'm up for the challenge!

DH and I left right from acupuncture and headed up to Birmingham.  I was to drink 12 oz of water between 10:30-11:30 and I had no problem with that.  I took Valium at 11:45 and headed inside the clinic.  I could already feel my bladder and knew it was going to get uncomfortable fast. The procedure was supposed to be at 12:30 but I didn't get called back until closer to 1pm.   As we were walking down the hall to the surgery center, my nurse asks, "So, how's your bladder?" YEP, I'm good to go in that area!  After DH and I suited up in sterile garb (he's not yet in his in the picture), they wheeled me back and did a u/s to check to make sure my bladder was full enough.

At that point, I asked specifically if our embryo thawed properly.  I got a big YES! And was told that it was 100% re-expanded and was ready to go!

Our day 5 Blastocyst 

My actual RE was the one that did the transfer.  I was a little anxious about that at first but she was on her best behavior today.  She was actually NICE to me and reassuring.  She gave us a picture of our baby and told us, "That's one for the scrapbook!"

Things got a little sticky at one point as the nurse couldn't get the correct angle of my uterus for the u/s so my RE could see the end of the catheter. I warned them my uterus is retroverted and was assured that it wouldn't matter.  Well, it did matter as they had to call in another nurse to find it. So there I was, spread eagle with my RE holding the cath and speculum in place for over 10 minutes waiting to get someone else in there.  Good times.  The second nurse found it the second she tried.

And now, we wait...We wait to see if this baby hatches and implants in my uterus.  I go in on 2/20/19 for a pregnancy (beta) blood test.

I can't thank you all enough for praying for us.  Our hearts are full.

The clinic sent us home with a little bear which we gave to Skittle

These two wanted to be right on top of me as soon as we got home

FET #5 CD 13-3DPO

CD 13 Continued: The IVF coordinator from Birmingham called me and let me know that my estrogen was 184, progesterone was .3 and that I could go ahead and trigger tonight.  For those that don't know, a "trigger shot" is (in this case for me) 10,000 units of hcg that goes deep into my backside muscle.  It is supposed to help me ovulate around 36 hours after injection.  It's used for timing purposes.  I used numbing cream but....DH didn't exactly put the needle in the numbing cream area. So much for that!

I had 12 needle pokes today. 12. That's more than I prefer. Ten were from acupuncture (six in my stomach, with one bringing tears to my eyes it hurt so much, and four in my legs.) plus a blood draw and the trigger shot.  I feel like a pin cushion!

CD 14: First Lovenox injection complete! I was pretty nervous but it didn't hurt as much as I was anticipating (and hurt less than my Ganarelix shots) but I'm sure it'll get much worse as I do them everyday.  I'm going to order myself a medical alert bracelet as it does kind of freak me out that since I'll be on two blood thinners, that if I was to get in an accident that I could bleed to death.  So...I think a bracelet is appropriate.  I start baby (low dose) aspirin and 40mg of Prednisone today too.

I took a home pregnancy test this morning just to see if the trigger shot (hcg) was in my system.  The pink test shows that yes, I do have hcg in my body.  The bottom blue tests are ovulation predictor kits showing negative and then finally positive.

Front of my medical bracelet

Back

CD 15 (Ovulation Day): Lovenox hurt a lot more this morning but the bruising is minimal.  PIO (Progesterone in oil-sesame oil this time) which I started tonight, will be the death of me.  My pharmacy sent 23g needles for injecting and while I appreciate the smallness of them, it takes FOREVER to get all the oil in me.  DH actually had indentation marks on his hand from pushing so hard on the syringe. I'm going to try and warm it up a bit more tomorrow so maybe it'll be a little easier. (side note: for those that don't know, PIO is my worst enemy in all of this. I typically react horribly to it.  I get big itchy welts (like the size of a 50 cent piece!) all over my bum.  Not only does it go deep into a muscle, so I get muscle pain all the next day, the welts are down right miserable too.  I don't usually get the welts until about a week into it so at least I'm ok for now.

CD 16, 1 DPO (Days Past Ovulation): I did fasting blood work this morning.  Blah.  Only three vials but it's still not my favorite thing to do.  Favorite comment of the day: "Dang, your blood sure is cooperating today!" Yeah, that's because I'm on blood thinners! Doesn't take much to make me bleed these days haha.

I go back and forth between, "This could actually work!" to "What were we thinking?! Why are we doing this just to end up with nothing?"

Random thoughts:

*I miss caffeine.
*I don't think I have any side effects with the Prednisone yet.
*My transfer is now moved to Monday (2/11)! And I'm anxious.
*Something interesting is that I don't have tender breasts this time around.  Typically, as soon as I start PIO (or even trigger), I get wicked tender breasts...to the point that I can't even sleep on my stomach.  I haven't encountered that yet.  It does make me wonder if my progesterone levels aren't high enough.

3DPO: PIO SUCKED tonight.  Hardcore sucked. The itchiness is starting and my bruising is quarter sized already.  I took two Benadryl's tonight to try and fend it off. I'm currently sitting on a heating pad.

If you are praying for us, here are some specifics: Will you pray that I will be calm for Monday, transfer day? And that our sweet baby embryo will thaw properly? Pray for the doctor doing the procedure (I'm not sure what doc I will have), and that he/she will have steady hands.  Pray my uterus will not cramp or twitch after the catheter is placed.

It has been a very long road to get to this point. Pray my body is ready to receive this child and that my heart can take whatever it is God has for us. May God's will be done, whatever the outcome.

FET #5 CD 5-13

Journal:

CD 5: Started 5mg of Letrozole.  No issues. No side effects.  (I was on Letrozole for two cycles back in what? Oh gosh, 2007? I didn't have any issues with it then either.)

CD 6: Another day, another fight with my RE about Intralipids. This has turned into WAY more than I ever thought possible.  As a last ditch effort, Dr. B agreed to call my RE directly and see if he can talk some sense into her.  At least I have one doc trying to help me.  I have agreed to let this go, though...once Dr. B tries, I'm giving up.  It's not worth the stress it's causing at this point.   I've done some digging into Intralipids and I see the reasoning for it.  It IS a more holistic/nutritional approach to fighting inflammation (with NO effect on baby) and that's probably why my RE won't agree to it.  She sees no benefit....and that's the way Western medicine seems to go my friends. Dr. B has been looking at the whole picture and DOES see the benefit of lowering the ratio of omega 3's to omega 6's (He published a study on it in fact).  The intralipids seem to help do that, which in turn lowers inflammation that is caused by my endo as well as helps to reduce the miscarriage rate.  I have a video conference with my RE in 2 days but at this point, I'm done pushing.

Current list of supplements:

Multivitamin: Standard stuff with as much non synthetic as I can get
Fish Oil: 3000mg for Omega 3's/DHA (which does NOT smell or taste good)
Myo-Inositol: for blood sugar regulation since I can't take Metformin
Vit C: 500mg-1g a day made from berries (some days I take more...I felt a cold coming on and I upped my dose and BAM, no more cold)
Folate/B12: When I remember to take it. I've heard that isolated B12 can cause a decrease in potassium and I don't want that.
Calcium Pills: (they also contain 400mg of magnesium and trace minerals like Boron and silica) I'm supposed to take 1200mg per day since the Prednisone and Lovenox leech calcium from my bones.   I found a non synthetic form but it's only about 900mg. I'm hoping my body can use it easier since it's algae based and not from rocks-so the lower dose won't matter?
Ginger: 1100mg for lowering inflammation (I do think it helps as the pain in my hand/wrist has gone down significantly since taking it twice a day-I started ginger about 6 months ago)
Brazil Nuts: I eat 2-4 a day for the selenium (It can maybe help with implantation too)
Probiotics: either in pill form or gummies or fermented food/Kombucha.  I like to switch it up.
Whole Food Zinc: immune support
Resveratrol
Acai Berry
L-Arginine
And sometimes a Cayenne pepper capsule to round it all out

I had to write it all out so I remember when to take everything!

I'll start a turmeric/bromelain cap + 81mg of aspirin once I trigger.  (Bromelain can be found in the core of a pineapple.  I REALLY don't like pineapple so I'm taking the pills instead). These are all in addition to the prescription medication/Benedryl for this FET. I take between 25-30 pills a day right now...it's a little much.  I also still try and choke down a wheat grass/green veggie drink but I've eased off on that some. I've been trying to see if I notice any changes since starting that many supplements....my hormonal acne is almost non-existent for the first time ever. That and the reduced wrist pain. Maybe it's helping balance me out a bit?  All I know is that my water intake has increased too...gotta get all those pills down!

CD 7: I graduated from twice a week acupuncture to only once a week! Annnndddddd, I still hate every minute of it.  Hats off to all of you out there that love it.

CD 8: I had a video conference with my local RE today.  I thought it would most likely be pointless and it pretty much was.  I did learn that she thinks our embryo is "excellent quality" and gave us a 70% chance of success-but said but most likely it's really 30-40% based on my history.  She gave a 90% thaw rate and didn't think I'd have lining issues since I never have in the past.  And that was the end of that.  (I never brought up the Intralipids with her as I just couldn't go there again.)

I did call a local functional medicine doc to see if he'd be willing to write the RX for the Intralipids. I was told someone would call me back.  It hasn't happened yet. I have given it to God to figure out.  I've done everything that I can think of to try and make this infusion work.  If He wants it to happen, He will have to make it happen. The end.

CD 9: Last day of Letrozole. Yay! But...my ovaries are not doing anything yet.   And I'm having some odd cycle issues that I've never dealt with before.  It's kind of weirding me out.

CD 10: No changes. I'll be shocked to see a lead follicle on Sunday...I'm feeling nothing. That could mean bad things to come for this FET.  I'm trying not to think too much about it and wait to see Sunday's scan.

I've done quite a bit of reading about the Intralipids and omega 3's.  As of right now I'm eating a decent amount of omega 3's in plant form (nuts, flaxseed, chia seeds) and seafood (salmon and oysters).  I'm hoping that'll be enough.

CD 11: Negative OPK

CD 12: I woke up this morning with slight twinges in my ovaries.  Hummm....Had E2, P4, PTT, and a CBC blood work in Birmingham.  Y'all. Y'ALL. My u/s today showed that I have six growing follicles. S.I.X. The u/s tech asked me, "Do you normally have cysts on your ovaries?" I thought to myself, "Oh no. OH NO." But I said out loud, "No ma'am.  Does it look bad in there?" She then showed me that I have five follicles on my left ovary, four of them tracking together at 14-15mm! (My right had one at 10mm so that one won't count.)  The goal was ONE follicle! Apparently Letrozole and acupuncture agree with me.  My u/s today looked like my IVF cycle after stimming for 8 days.  Amazing. (And now by the end of the day, I feel my old familiar friend, ovulation pain)

Estrogen: 140's
Progesterone: .4
Uterine Lining: 9mm with a "beautiful" triple stripe (I can transfer with anything over .8mm!)

I do have to go back tomorrow morn for a recheck.  They want one follicle at 18mm before triggering.  The nurse was once again a bit passive aggressive about me and this protocol.  Yes, I get it.  This is not a typical protocol and God forbid I do a cycle without synthetic estrogen/birth control/Lupron! She mentioned not once but twice that they don't want me transferring on the weekend...goodness.  All I can do at this point is shake my head.

CD 13: All looks great today! Lining is 11mm now (perfect!) and I have 2 follicles over 20mm! Thank you Jesus! I should trigger tonight, start progesterone on Wednesday and have my transfer on Tuesday (2/12).  The u/s tech bugged out when she saw my follicles which made me giggle! "Wait, you're doing a transfer next week and you're on Letrozole!? Your follicles look great!"

Love you all!  I'll be journaling all through this so I'm sure I'll be updating again soon.

Immune Protocol:

I received my immune protocol from Dr. B. Yay!  It's a LOT.  It's extremely detailed but I'm thrilled to try something new! All pending my local RE's cooperation and if the embryo thaws properly, I'll be doing a "natural" FET alongside 1000 other meds (only slight exaggeration).  The only reason it's natural is that for the first time ever, I won't be doing BCP's OR Lupron injections.  That means less cycle manipulation but less control for my RE.  I really hope she agrees to all of it as the only plan B we have is to ship the embryos to someone that will comply with Dr. B's protocol.

The meds include: Baby aspirin, Letrozole (only for a couple days), Lovenox, Progesterone in oil, trigger shot, Prednisone, timed IV intralipid infusions, and benadryl. (plus a massive amount of supplements)

CD 2: Baseline u/s and bloodwork

I had my baseline this morning.  My uterine lining is still pretty thick (almost 9mm) but that was expected as it was over 15mm for my IVF cycle.

Here's the sticky part. I knew I'd run into issues with relaying information from Dr. B to my local NP.  I brought in the email from Dr. B's nurse with all the details of the protocol in writing for me.  Dr. B's nurse even faxed the protocol over a week ago to the Birmingham office so my RE would see it. My NP agreed to try and help me the best she could...and of course, I got the call I was dreading.

I don't have the words to describe how I'm feeling towards my RE right now.  She's said some pretty awful things to me in the past, which might be partly why I was already on the defensive when she called. I almost lost my mind with her on the phone just now.  I don't think I've ever been so angry at a doctor before.  She is completely unwilling to step outside the box for me.  She said that I sprung all of this on her (???!?!?WHAT?!?) and that she is not prepared to figure this all out.  I'm not sure what there is to figure out? Dr. B wrote out exactly what needs to happen and when it needs to happen.  She is refusing to write the RX for the IV intralipids as she "doesn't believe in it."  I asked if it will hurt anything and she said NO.  Then why can't I try it? She said she won't stop me from doing the infusion but she won't write the RX for it. UMMM, ok.  I explained that I've done 4 fresh transfers and 4 frozen and that I will not continue to do the same things over and over and get no baby.  She started getting testy with me but by the end of our conversation, she at least agreed to talk to a cancer center to see if another doctor there will write the RX so I can have the infusion there (as the RE clinic isn't set up for it.)  I even offered to pay a home health nurse to come administer it if she would just write the dang RX. NO go.  She also wasn't understanding all the blood work Dr. B wanted (basically monitoring me on the meds he wants me on...which is a GREAT thing!) and got all hissy at what this protocol entails. (Twice weekly fasting labs, labs 4 hours after a Lovenox injection to watch blood clot timing, etc.)  Being my own medical advocate is exhausting.

CD 3: Acupuncture
I still hate acupuncture.  That is all.

I had to leave a semi nasty (ok, not nasty, just firm) voicemail for the nurses in Birmingham.  I was told yesterday that I would get a cycle calendar and meds would be ordered by today. I got a call back within 5 min and was told all meds are being called in right now.  Ha! I had to argue to not have to repeat an SIS (water u/s) as I had a doc all up in my business (INSIDE MY UTERUS) in Sept so an SIS was NOT necessary to do again.  "Well, I have to get that cleared with Dr. H." Guess what?  She cleared me just last month...ARG. I better not have to do it again...

I start letrozole on Sunday and don't have another appt until CD 12 (which of course has to be in Birmingham at 7:30am on a Sunday. Sigh). 

Intralipids just aren't going to happen.  My RE is completely refusing to write the RX, even though Dr. B faxed over exactly everything she needs to do for it. All she has to do is sign her name...and I will set everything up with an infusion place I found in Birmingham. I have a couple more days to beg and plead...Will you pray she somehow sees the light and lets me do them?  Will you pray that our little embaby thaws properly?  Will you pray that my lining is perfecly thick and the transfer goes smoothly? This transfer is happening with our without the intralipids...DH and I both feel that pushing this any farther from my lap surgery in Sept is just not a good idea.  I'll keep you posted.

FET Joy and Acupuncture

Thursday Jan 17:

I got the call I was anxiously waiting for.  We now have one baby on ice.  While I I am relieved at knowing we  have one, we are still mourning the loss of the other two embryos.  I was so overjoyed at hearing the news, I forgot to ask the grade/quality.  I tried calling back and left a msg for the nurse (who is notorious for not calling me back) asking to know the grading because Dr. B had requested it.  DH and I have decided that we will try transferring the one embryo to me and not use my sister as a surrogate this time around.  I will be trying a completely new-to-me immune protocol so we wanted to see if that will work before moving on.

I've emailed Dr. B to get an updated protocol and I hope I hear from him before the weekend.  I have no idea about the timeline for this FET.  Will I have to be on BCP's again? Only Lurpon?  These are things I'd love to find out.  I'm now waiting on my period so I can go in for a baseline u/s and bloodwork.

Friday Jan 18:

Acupuncture...sigh...I'm not a fan. I know there are plenty of you out there that find it enjoyable and relaxing. I am not one of those people. The last time I did acupuncture, we lived in GA and I got the call that our embryo didn't survive the thawing process as I was lying on the table with needles sticking out all over me. It's not a good memory. I was dragging my feet getting in for an appt here but I decided today was the day. I had gotten a couple recommendations from my RE clinic and walked into one to find out prices and scheduling. Guess what? They could do my first session right then and there! Lovely. How nice. (I'm dripping with sarcasm.) Not only did I get a session of acupuncture, I also had the pleasure of doing Moxibustion which is burning herbs above the skin to apply heat to the acupuncture points. I now smell like a stink bomb. I will be doing this twice a week for three weeks, then once a week until we figure out the transfer date. Yippy skippy. How anyone can relax during all that is beyond me...I tried, I really did.  

Just some of my daily supplements

Awesome socks my sis sent me for transfer day

My hand bruise from the IV on transfer day (one week ago!)

Retrieval:

Retrieval day was yesterday and I'm so glad that part is over. DH and I got up at 4:30am (Skittle spent the night at a friends house so we wouldn't have to wake her) to leave for Birmingham.  My procedure was at 8:30 but they wanted me there at 7:30.  All the nurses were very kind, even when my IV had some trouble going in.  I wore my "IVF is a mutha" shirt from my sister, which I found very appropriate.  I warned everyone that I would need more meds to be sedated and for pain.  I wasn't wrong.  I remember and FELT every single needle poke the doc made in my ovaries.   The clue should have been when I started crying (and couldn't stop) when the RE was telling me how many eggs she got at the end.  I never went to sleep...the entire time.  I came out of the procedure room fully awake and fully crying.  DH was shocked to see me fully functional...yeah, good times.  They collected only 7 eggs (which I was predicting as I didn't stim long enough) but the RE could tell right away that only 4 were mature (EXACTLY what I had already known based on my u/s numbers).  This isn't ideal.

Thank you for praying. I ended up not having my RE as I had the other female RE in the practice.  She was patient with me and having her there helped me relax.

I was pretty miserable on the ride home as well as the entire rest of the evening.  I was given some pretty powerful pain and anti-nausea meds which helped me sleep well last night.

Birmingham called this morning to give me an update:
Of the seven eggs collected, four were mature. Of those four, three fertilized normally using ICSI. (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection) I ask now for your prayers once again. If you pray, pray for these three babies.  Pray that they would be strong enough to make it to day five when they can be frozen for future transfer.  We love them already and hope they can make it home with our family. 

I'll be honest, these numbers just aren't what we are used to hearing, so doubt and negativity has very much crept in. Last IVF, we had 11 mature eggs, 10 fertilize normally and four made it to day five. Between day three and five, a lot typically don't survive but I do believe in the power of prayer and that God CAN save our babies.

I know many of you are right along side us in this and I love you all for it.  Birmingham will call again on Monday to let me know if our babies survive the weekend and I will update again then.

IVF #5 Journal: Stim days 10-?

Stim Day 10:

I'm at the point in this lovely process where I'm completely and utterly bloated to the max every night and my ovaries pinch and ache pretty much all day every day.  Good times all around.  Took my last stim combo shot and Ganirelix injection (which was insanely painful for whatever reason) tonight.  Now we wait to see what the blood work and u/s show tomorrow...My current thoughts: "Am I going to have any mature follicles?" For the first time ever, I'm uncertain of that.

Tuesday Potential Stim Day 11:

U/S this morning showed 7 OK follicles.  Six are between 15-16mm and one is like a 12mm.  My lining is PERFECTLY gorgeous at 15mm (one of the best I've ever had and it doesn't even matter!).  In my opinion they are still too small for trigger tonight. I asked my nurse if I can continue stimming but that I was out of meds.  She thought for sure Birmingham would agree to let me stim longer and gave me enough meds for tonight to tide me over until some can be overnighted to me.  My goodness they are slow growing but I am so incredibly thankful that they had some extra meds to help me out.  While the thought of doing more stims isn't appealing I really think I need them to mature these eggs.

Waiting on the call from Birmingham to learn my estrogen level and what to do next...

Well, got the call from Birmingham and she had no idea I wanted to do extra stims and still wanted me to trigger tonight.  I asked to talk directly to my RE (which is the first time I've had any contact with her during this cycle). According to my RE and the clinic "protocol", if there's at least 4 follicles that hit 14mm, they trigger.  So much for individual case by case basis doc.  She agreed to let me stim one more night and trigger tomorrow night.  Her words to me were, "I can't let you stim 2 or 3 more days because I can't justify asking my staff to come in over the weekend for a retrieval with such a low chance of pregnancy."  I kid you not.  She told me that not once, but twice in our three min conversation.  Thanks for the vote of confidence. I really hope she's not the one doing my retrieval on Friday. I think I'll just go cry over here in the corner...

Estrogen: 1341
Progesterone: .8 (was .4 on Sunday)

Wednesday Stim Day 12:

After no one called me back to tell me what to do this morning, I called the Montgomery clinic and they said I should go ahead and come in for more bloodwork and u/s. They had no appts available but they thought they could squeeze me in.  I'm glad they did.  U/s today showed good improvement! 7 were between 17-20mm with another couple close behind.  I talked with the nurse practitioner (who I really like by the way) and told her what my RE said to me yesterday about not justifying bringing staff in on the weekend for me.  She was appalled. I also mentioned that no one was calling me to tell me when to take my antibiotic and how long DH is supposed to abstain for retrieval.  The NP thought if given another night or two of stim meds, those other follicles could catch up.  Yeah, well, I guess it doesn't matter because I don't have any meds since they wouldn't call any in for me yesterday because apparently I don't fit their ideal patient model.

All the nurse said when she called me tonight was:

Take 15,000 units of HCG tonight at 8:30.  Be here at the clinic at 7:30 Friday morning.
Estrogen: 1600
Progesterone: .7

This has been my least favorite experience of any IVF I've done.  I'll update again after Friday.

Love to you all!

Not a terrible amount for one cycle