My transfer is cancelled. It just seems that nothing works the way I want it to. I'm sure there is a reason (there always is) but that doesn't make things less painful right now. The doctors claim that I have a cyst or had one and that's what has caused the fluid around my ovaries. I'm still on my Lupron shots (going on week number four, wahoo) but stopped the Estrace. I'm in less pain now so I'm hoping for a miracle that when I go back for my appointment on Friday that there will be no more fluid and my lining is still great. (It was 8.5 mm!) Deep down I was hoping that my blog life would be short in that this would be my only cycle before getting pregnant. Not the case. Maybe God will allow it to still happen?? Do I continue to pray for things to work or do I just let this go knowing that God is still in control and future cycles will be better? Big questions for an even bigger God.

So, I walk into the doc's office last week and the tech gets all excited and says (louder than necessary), "Ohhh, is it your birthday!?" It sure was. Then she says, "and you get a vaginal ultrasound!" Now there's a birthday present for me. I not only got a ultrasound (u/s), but a blood draw and new meds that make me leak blue. Wonderful...All my parts still look good and the transfer is still set for around the 18th. I have another u/s tomorrow morning to check my lining to make sure it's thickening the way it should. There are several steps in this process and if one goes wonky then the whole thing gets cancelled. I'm praying that God allows my lining to be the perfect mm, that the embryos don't die when being thawed, and that those babies that God welded together in petri dishes will grow and live to praise Him.

Ok, so this is my very first blog, ever. It will probably be just a collection of thoughts, feelings, and most likely frustrations of our journey to parenthood. If you squirm when hearing about needles, blood, and other vial proddings, this isn't the blog for you. My goal is to give an accurate and truthful picture of what it's like dealing with infertility and having a Christian faith.

Today is day 1 of my cycle, which for the first time I'm happy about. It means that I can get started with my FET! (Frozen Embryo Transfer) I've been on Lupron injections for almost 10 days now and while my belly is beginning to get sore I've at least got a target date in mind for when I can stop them. Only 15 more days of shots!! (and then I start Progesterone injections in my hiney...but hey, at least I'll be done with the stomach ones!)

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all thy wonderful deeds." Psalms 9:1 Even with shots, bleeding, cramps, and mood swings, I am still thankful to my God for giving me the opportunity to try for a child. I just hope I can remember that.