*sigh* Mother's Day

I’ve had some pretty bad days in my life. (Haven’t we all?) Sunday was one to add to my collection. I had been dreading Mother’s Day for a while so when the actual day came, I was surprised when I was fine and unemotional about it. It wasn’t until church that I completely lost it. Like I said, things started out well but when it was time to greet each other, I was asked if I was a mother yet. I politely said no and the lady said, “You will be one day.” Oh the responses I fought back! I know she didn’t mean anything by it but it instantly brought tears to my eyes. From that point on, Dh did a pretty good job of shielding me from any other questions. I sure love that man. The sermon was great but little did I know that I wasn’t off the hook yet. As we were praying, kids filed out to sing to their moms. SHOOT ME. Don’t get me wrong here. It was precious and sweet and I wouldn’t want anything more for my own Mother’s Day but those of us who desperately want to have children and can't, well, it’s unbelievably painful. (Not to mention that it’s probably painful for those who have lost children or lost mothers. I don’t think I would have ever thought to think about that until going through my own struggles though. Interesting thought.) When they were singing, I thought to myself, “Well, at least they didn’t hand out flowers! But, when they were done, they did exactly that. They handed out flowers to all the mothers and I got one too. I tried my very best to smile and say thank you but I’m not sure if I did. In their defense, they don’t know who is a mom and who isn’t, but I still wanted to crawl under the pews. We were planning on going to the pot luck after church but immediately walking out the doors, the tears started flowing and I couldn’t stop them. I don’t want to give my church a bad name (I love my church!!!) but I don’t think I’ll ever go to church on Mother’s Day again (unless of course, I’m a mother).

I had my baseline u/s today and I was secretly hoping that I had cysts so the cycle wouldn’t continue. (Hey, I had travel plans but uh, if we’re doing a medicated cycle, I kind of have to be attached to Dh for the next two weeks so all of my plans get thrown out the window…) The blood draw hurt like crazy and actually, so did the u/s. All looked normal though and I was cleared for injections. (And yes, I have fluid behind my uterus again…) Our protocol is the same as last time (just hopefully without the kidney stones!!!) with double meds in the beginning and then tapering off by the end.

We’ll see what happens.