Happy anniversary!

Happy anniversary to me and this blog! This blog has become something of healing for me, a sort of therapy for the stress of infertility. I can honestly say that I feel better once I write. Sometimes my thoughts and ideas aren’t as clear as I’d like on the page but I know what I’m saying. I know I’m not the most positive person, and I haven’t tried to be. I’m real. I’m human. I struggle much with infertility. My triumphs are few and far in between but I know that the one and only thing I can count on is Jesus. The only thing that keeps me grounded is Jesus. I don’t have a success story to boast about. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but I know who can get me there. One year gone and one year stronger.

I had my follow up (FINALLY) with my RE last week and things went really, really well. I walked away encouraged. And that’s something that hasn’t happened in a while. I did have a u/s (by the way, since moving to AZ I’ve had every u/s with my actual RE and not a nurse or tech…that’s very different than what I’m used to…and the fact that he is male STILL creeps me out but I’m getting more used to it.) My uterus is completely healed as are my incisions. My RE actually said my uterus looked amazing. Now I can add that to the strange and almost disturbing sayings to my collection. (According to an Idaho x-ray tech, I also have a pretty cervix. And yes, I do think that just sounds wrong.) My lining was thick and I ovulated just two weeks after the surgery. My RE was surprised when I said that but it was confirmed by the u/s that the pain on my left side was indeed ovulation. No fluid was mentioned. The biggest thing about that appt was that I was going to plead NOT to do the suppression meds. He said that since we trying to get pg, doing the meds wouldn’t be my best option. YAYYYYY!!!!! However, I was told that I need to pg as soon as possible. Obviously I’m OK with that…the problem is how to get there. I was given two options.

1. Try two rounds of Clomid with injections with IUI’s then move to IVF if that doesn’t work.

Or

2. Go straight to IVF.

I chose number 2. Now, I’m going to set some things straight about the way we (me and Dh) do IVF. If you’ve never experienced it, or done in depth research on the subject I don’t feel like you can give advice or your opinion on the moral or ethical side of IVF to us. We both firmly believe that life begins at conception. When an egg and sperm meet, it is a human LIFE. Sometimes women who do IVF create a lot of life (20+ embryos) and don’t intend to use them, let them die, or let them be used for research. I don’t agree with that. Unfortunately, my babies die very easily and only God has control over which ones lives and who doesn’t. I DON’T DECIDE. I also whole heartily disagree with selective reduction and I will sign a waiver not allowing them to abort any of my embryos. That’s non-negotiable for us. With that being said, we’re doing IVF beginning next cycle. I don’t know how much time I have until the endo comes back so we’re going straight to the big guns. I do have to mention that things are done differently at this RE. They give me the meds directly right at the office. I was shocked when they handed me a 14 day supply of Lupron injections (that I will start as soon as I start af) and charged me $300. Normally, I would have been given a prescription for it which I promptly asked for because Tricare actually covers that med. I ended up paying $3 and it will be delivered to my house next week. You just can’t beat that.

I’m going to be writing throughout my IVF experience this time around. This will be it. This second round of IVF will be our last push with meds for a baby. We’re done after this. Sure, we’ll always try naturally, but I just can’t take the stress and pain of it all. Dh, at this point, is refusing to give me the progesterone in oil butt shots and I refuse to give them to myself so, does anyone want to volunteer to be my butt shot giver? :)

Wow, I think I wrote enough…