Best Gift Ever

I bought that onesie for Skittle that says, "Best Gift Ever" and you know, it's true. Every Christmas from my first miscarriage, I've said all I wanted for Christmas was a baby. Check that one off the list!! She's the most wonderful, fun, spunky little thing and I just enjoy her to pieces. Now, sure, she has her moments (all babies do, RIGHT!?) and then the the song "Rock a Bye Baby" echos in my mind but it is short lived... (or until I pass her on to DH). She normally sleeps GREAT. Thank you Jesus for that! Her bedtime is around 7:30pm and she doesn't wake up until 7:30am-and wakes up HAPPY! I couldn't be more blessed. Now, if I could just get my boobs to cooperate so I could sleep that much!

I am physically incapable to go more than 6 1/2 hrs without pumping out the milk. It's the most miserable feeling-being engorged. I end up pumping every night between 3-4 am and while I get 10-11 oz of breast milk I'd REALLY like to find a way to cut that out-and still have that much milk. I think I top out a 5 1/2 oz as my right side just can't hold anymore milk (so any time past 5 1/2 hrs I STILL only get 5 1/2 oz)! Any suggestions??

Time to brag: (and hey, if you don't want to read about my Skittle...well, I don't know what to tell you. I've waited what seems like forever-with much heartache-to have a baby and now I want to write about her!)

When I had another doc appt for Thrush (which is gone now!) both the pedi and the nurse commented on how alert and social Skittle was. Their actual words were, "She's one of the most alert and social 3 month olds we've ever seen." She smiles CONSTANTLY (except when we take her to get professional photos taken) and watches the world around her. Now, that just makes me happy...not that I had anything to do with it. I didn't think the kid would ever roll over, but just two days ago, she learned to roll from her tummy to her back. I couldn't be more proud!!

A nickname that has stuck is "P". Dh and I call her "P" or little P...I found the perfect stocking!

What a face!

Pretty in Purple

A Fungus Among Us

*sigh* The never ending drama of pain for Angie...

When Skittle was 3 weeks old I developed mastitis in my left breast. I'm sure her latch had something to do with it but that's besides the point. I was miserable with a fever of 103.2 that lasted over 24 hrs. I was given antibiotics for a week and while I did take a probiotic, apparently I didn't take it long enough or enough of it because I ended up with Thrush. For those that don't know, Thrush is a yeast infection on the nipples that is spread to the baby by her mouth. If it isn't treated properly, the mother and baby can continue to pass it back and forth. Well, at Skittle's two month well baby check up, she had a yeast rash on her bum which was attributed to Thrush. Although she showed NO signs of it in her mouth, my nipples were constantly ON FIRE and it was extremely painful to nurse her. I gave up breastfeeding when she was 5 weeks old and decided that pumping was the way to go. Now, pumping is HARD work and most annoying but I'm glad I can still provide Skittle with breast milk even though she's not getting it directly from my breast. Please don't flame me for not breastfeeding her! I'm doing the best that I can...

I've been dealing with the Thrush now for 7 weeks. 7! My nipples are terribly itchy and red and hurt like nothing else. I've been on meds for over two weeks now. Skittle was treated for Thrush too and now shows no signs of the infection. She's off the oral meds but now I'm on them. I get to take TERRIBLE nasty tasting yellow glop (or in other words, Nystatin) five times a day. I've been doing that for 5 days now and I'm still having issues with my nipples (they are still cracked, bleeding, and very itchy!). I just hope there is an end in sight...I'm not sure how much more I can take!

In the beginning I was worried about Skittle's weight gain. She was 6 lbs 15 oz and 19 inches at birth. At two months she was 10 lbs 1 oz and 22 inches. Ten days later (when we had to go back to the doc for the Thrush) she was 10 lbs 7 oz and 22 1/2 inches. Today when I weighed her (5 days after her last check up) with our home step on scale it said she was 12 lbs! She IS growing! :)

I wish I could post some more pictures but they aren't on this computer! Next time....

Gunslinger

I'd say it's about time for another blog entry...yes, a bit overdue but I guess that's what you get with a 6 week old.

I titled this blog entry GUNSLINGER. Why? Well, that became my nickname, per DH, following Skittles birth. I'd like to write about what lousy pelvic pain I have, yes even now almost 7 weeks later.

As a nurse wheeled me from my hospital room to the car the day after Skittle's delivery, she asked if I had had a c-section. I said NO, I gave birth vaginally but man my pelvis sure hurt. (I couldn't lift my feet to put them onto the wheelchair holds.) That was the beginning of utter HELL for the next two weeks. I started out not being able to get into bed (Dh had to lift my legs and slide me over.), walk to the bathroom without holding on to anything I could get my hands on (walls, bed, pack-n-play), step into our walk-in shower, put my pants on, or even hold Skittle while I was not sitting down (Dh had to do everything for me...picking up each one of my feet one at a time so I could walk somewhere). I literally could not pick my foot up (my right being worse than my left) one inch from the ground. Something down yonder was stopping me and I cried out in pain every time I had to move. Once I thought I'd be brave and give Dh a break (he was basically Skittle's single parent and my nurse) and get myself something to eat from the refrigerator. BIG MISTAKE. I got stuck. No really, I got stuck (think cement plastered up your leg) right before getting there as I couldn't even slide one foot along the ground to turn around to get back to bed. That is when I decided to call my OB. Being a Sunday, the on call OB told me to go to the emergency room as the pain I was experiencing wasn't normal.

There I was, alone in the ER, (as I refused to let my four day old Skittle be there), leaking milk all over myself in my hospital bed, paralyzed by my pelvis, (And because they had pumped me FULL of fluid from an IV for an u/s, my bladder was about to erupt all over that uncomfortable bed but to make matters worse, I couldn't even get to the bathroom as my nurse call button had fallen on the floor and I couldn't reach it. ) and the doc wanted me to have a catheter for a urine sample so he could make sure I didn't have an infection. Talk about HORRENDOUS unnecessary pain in a place where I wanted absolutely NO ONE to touch me. Before going to the ER I had done some research and it looked to me like my pelvis had separated....and the doc wanted to run tests to see if I had an infection!? Turns out the ER doc would not listen to anything I had to say and sent me home 8 hrs later with pain meds-with no sign of infection.

The next morning-working off of 3 hrs of sleep-Skittle had a Ped appt and since her doc was right down the hall from mine, I begged to be seen by my OB. I got in and he confirmed what I had thought all along. My pelvis had separated and wasn't going back (and the ligaments around my pelvis had torn from pushing). All Dr. K could say was, "I'm so sorry..." He did tell me that it has only happened to three other patients in his 30 years of practice. What can I say? I'm special.

Two weeks and an incredible amount of Vicodin later, I could walk-though as Dh would say, just like a gunslinger. Personally, I thought I looked more like a gunslinger mixed with Igor from Young Frankenstein (hips spread like I had been riding a horse for days and they got stuck that way, dragging my right foot behind me-no joke). Picture that walking the isles of Wal-Mart. I was a freak show toting a beautiful healthy baby girl.

I still have pelvic pain but I'd say I'm 80% better (though I do feel like progress has stalled).

Now about Skittle...she's amazing and beautiful and wonderful! She's been such a joy that again I will say, she was/is worth all the pain in the world. Here are a couple of random pictures :)

My last belly shot: 39 weeks!

Her first cloth diaper at exactly 2 weeks old! A Bumgenius AIO

Ahhh, cloth diapers! So cute!

Tummy time!

My birth story!

Wow, where do I even begin??? I'm going to try and recount the last couple of weeks for everyone...It's going to be long! BIRTH ISN'T SEXY and I'M NOT HOLDING BACK THE TMI.

I had a doc appt that was supposed to be with Dr. S at 39 weeks 5 days but when I got there he was out doing a delivery so I saw a nurse. I wasn't thrilled with that as I wanted to talk more about induction but I was also thankful that I would be seeing a female for my first internal check since 14 weeks gestation. She checked my cervix and I was 1.5 cm dilated and 60% effaced. I was SHOCKED that I had any progress at all. I thought for sure that I would be 0cm and 0% effaced. At least, that's what I had prepared myself for. I asked her about inducing and she said that she would have someone call me and set up another appt for the next week so I could be "evaluated" (NO clue what that meant) by Dr. K. I was OK with that as I would have been 40 weeks 4 days at that point. (I actually had intentions of writing a blog entry titled "Operation Eviction" about all the things we had tried to get Skittle out. Walking, (including curb walking-walking with one foot on the curb and one foot on the pavement) DTD, (Doing the Deed) nipple stimulation, and bouncing on my birthing ball did NOTHING to bring on contractions.

The next day (39 weeks 6 days) I woke up at 7:30am and felt what I thought was a dull contraction. It was different from the Braxton Hicks contractions that I had been feeling for weeks. It didn't really hurt but I knew something was happening. I laid in bed another 45 minutes and had about 3 more cramp like contractions. Then when I got up to go to the bathroom, there was blood in the toilet. I got freakishly excited and tried calling DH at work to give him a head's up. Of course when I called, he was at the gym. When he called me back I told him what was happening and he basically thought it was no big deal so he was going to stay at work. I was OK with that as I wasn't sure how quickly things would progress or if anything was really happening in the first place. The contractions continued to come but were very sporadic-but more intense if I laid down. I tried timing them and noticed that they were lasting about a minute but anywhere from 10-15 mins apart. At some point they started getting somewhat painful and I got in the tub to labor through them. I called DH at 4:00pm and he was on his way home. I continued to contract and DH still brushed it off-even though I was having to breathe through them and couldn't talk when I had one. At about 9:30pm I told DH that he needed to get ready to go to the hospital as I wanted to get checked out to see if I was progressing any. I again was prepared for them to tell me that I was indeed in early labor but would send me home because I wasn't progressing enough. We left at about 9:45pm and headed to the hospital. At 10pm a nurse checked me and I was 3 cm dilated (contracting every 3-5 minutes) and almost completely thinned out. I was a little disappointed at that as I had been laboring for almost 15 hrs at that point. She said she would check me again in an hour and if I hadn't made any progress they were going to send me home. Well, once she left the room, the pain got CRAZY intense as I had to lie on my left side because Skittle's heart rate was doing funky things. All I wanted to do was NOT be in bed and to get up and move around...but I couldn't and I knew that would happen as soon as I stepped foot in the hospital. At close to 11pm I started throwing up and I swear it was from being stuck in that dang position and not being able to get any relief. The nurse checked me and I was a 5! I was asked if I wanted an epidural and I had to make my decision RIGHT THEN as the anesthesiologist was literally in his car to go home. If I didn't get one now, I wouldn't get one. I agreed to get one.

As they got me out of bed and I walked across the hall to our room, the pain actually got somewhat manageable (POSITION, POSITION, POSITION). An IV was started and I was told I had to go back to being on my side. At midnight she checked me and I was a 7! The anesthesiologist came in and sat me up for the epidural-ahhh, pain once again manageable. The epidural actually seemed to take quite a long time to place but really I didn't care as I didn't have to be on my side. Once the catheter was placed, I could be on my side without any pain and I was thankful for that. At 1am I was checked again and I was a 9. More nurses were coming in and out getting the room ready! It was so surreal! Everything was happening so fast that when DH went downstairs to get a Coke, the entire room was ready when he got back! I began practice pushing at 2:15am and had to stop pushing to wait for the doc (Dr. S was on call that night) to deliver me. I guess at that point I was very thankful to have the epidural as I could feel her head coming out but there wasn't any pain associated with it. DH played a bigger roll in the delivery than he originally thought he would. He held my leg and was a HUGE encouragement. I remember him saying, "OHHH, I can see her head! WOW, I can see her head! Is that her head!?"

At 2:54am on 8/26/2010-MY DUE DATE!!!-Paisley Therese was born! She weighed 6 lbs 15 oz and was 19 inches long. She came out screaming (9/9 apgare!) but went instantly silent when she heard her daddy's voice. She has beautiful brown hair and was much more alert than I thought she would be.

I never thought I'd be a mom. I never thought I'd get to hear MY baby cry. I never knew how much I could love someone.

Every time I look at her I think and say out loud how great our God is. He heard my pleas and my pain and He saw me through it. He had everything perfectly timed-despite my doubts and fears. Paisley is a true testament of God's love and faithfulness. Through my weakness He is made strong.

Throughout the struggles of this pregnancy and post delivery (IM shots in my butt every day for 16 weeks-vomiting all day every day for 22 weeks-kidney stones that landed me in the hospital for 10 days-having wicked rip open my esophagus heartburn-getting hemorrhoids the size of Mt. Everest-getting a 2nd degree tear that required internal and external stitches and having my pelvis separate* because of pushing) when I look at Paisley, she reminds me that all the pain was worth it. And I knew she would.

*more on my pelvis later

Paisley 2 days old:

First time in the swing: (which she really didn't like)

First bath at home:

38 Weeks 5 Days

I never thought I'd do an induction unless it was medically necessary but today Dr. S offer to induce me if I was dilated next week-and I'm quite tempted. I wasn't checked as per my request today-as I just didn't feel like it was needed. Next week, I'll want to know where I am, if I'm dilated, effaced at all, and if my cervix has moved forward. I think if I am dilated, I'll ask him to sweep my membranes too.

I watched the documentary The Business of Being Born and made dh watch it too. It made a VERY good case against doing inductions so I guess my mind just isn't made up yet. Dh is against me being induced unless I'm a week or so past my due date and I see where he is coming from. Obviously, none of these thoughts mean anything unless I'm dilated next week anyway.

Here is a pic of my ferret Ali. I gave her free run of the house over the weekend and first she used Skittle's bouncer to launch herself up to the fireplace. Then, she thought the swing was the coolest thing ever and loved finally being able figure out how to jump in it. I quickly snapped a pic!

Freakin' Leakin'

********************WARNING********************
This blog entry contains information about my lady parts. If you have a problem with that, DO NOT CONTINUE TO READ.

So, no one ever told me that my breasts were going to leak colostrum BEFORE this baby comes. I started leaking very early in this pregnancy-around 24 weeks or so-and found it horribly gross. Now that I'm getting closer to my due date, the intensity and flow has picked up quite a bit. Basically, I'm a faucet. Washing breast pads and having to be careful of leakage on shirts is not something I was ready for! I know this will prepare me for when Skittle is here but man will there be any left for when she's born??

I also know things are changing down below too. I'm VERY glad for that and hope I'm making some sort of process-even if it's just my cervix thinning out. I'm ready to have this baby!

36 week appt and hospital pics

So I had my now weekly appt (36 weeks 5 days) with Dr. K today and got some good news! I was told that Skittle has officially "dropped!" YAY!! I thought maybe she had but having the doc tell me that her head is now below my pubic bone was very exciting! He, of course, is leaving for a two week vacation and actually said that he very much wants to deliver my baby but that it may not be possible. He will be back before my due date though. I'm measuring the same as last week (35 weeks) but Dr. K said that was fine considering her dropping. I also lost a pound and my bp is great. I was also told that I'm GBS negative! Hooray for no antibiotics in the hospital on delivery day! Oh man I hope she's here soon! I'm so ready to meet her and squish her little cheeks!

Here are some of Dh's snap happy moments in the hospital...for your entertainment:

This is a pic showing how many things I was hooked up to. For normal people, the center monitor is the only one used. Getting up to go to the bathroom was a 5 min process of untangling all the wires and praying I didn't step on anything that would cause my IV to be ripped out of my arm.

Four IV sites in 10 days. What fun.

I think this was in Labor & Delivery before being officially admitted the first time around. I think I barely look pregnant! I was loving the Demerol at that point. Can you tell?

A shot of the finger flashlight for those middle of the night bathroom trips...(actually it measured my pulse oxygen level and the dang thing would BEEP incessantly if it went too high or too low. I had to have it because of the narcotics but the extra oxygen was a nice bonus by the way. I highly recommend it!) Notice my belly now!

Look Ma! No stretch marks...yet!

Belly shot 33 weeks

35 Weeks 4 days:

I think I grew!

I had an appt with Dr. K today (he poked his head in the exam room and said, "When I hear your name I know EXACTLY who I'm seeing! I can actually put a face with the name! I can't do that with just anyone!") and I got the report back for the first kidney stone that I passed on my own. It was 7mm!!! That's HUGE by the way. It was made of 92% calcium...just what I expected. I, of course, am freaked out to take Tums which are full of calcium for my wicked heartburn so I was given the go ahead to take Zantac. I just hope it helps! I'm still measuring small even though with my last u/s in the hospital Skittle was actually measuring a whole week BIG. Dh thinks that the u/s tech was quite liberal with his measurements, however. (Side note: during that u/s, I wasn't able to see the u/s screen but dh was. The tech had me push on Skittle's upper lip with my finger and she actually opened and closed her mouth! Dh thought it was pretty cool!) Anyway, the Group B Strep (GBS) test wasn't a big deal-a vaginal swab-bp and weight were good. I'm going to see Dr. K every week now. Yippy skippy!

Struggling

Everything started exactly two weeks ago today. I started having flank pain on my left side and new immediately I had a kidney stone that was trying to pass. I lasted 4 hours on my own without pain meds and then I called my OB's office to see if I was allowed to take Percocet for the pain. Well, I was told that I needed to go to labor and delivery at the hospital to be checked out. I called dh at work and he came home to take me in. At that point the pain was pretty ridiculous and all I wanted was meds. What was funny though is that literally as soon as we pulled into the hospital parking lot, my pain was just about gone. The stone had passed to my bladder but to be safe I went and got checked out anyway. When I got there I went to the bathroom-my urine was strained and sure enough I had passed one stone that had turned to sandy pieces and one that was the size of an apple seed! After all that, I got all hooked up to the fetal monitors and learned that I was contracting every 2-4 minutes. My cervix was high and tight but I still had to be given meds to stop the contractions. They worked and I was out of there by dinner time...my back was sore but OK.

Fast forward a couple days-Thursday of that week-and I started having flank pain on my right side. I honestly thought I was going insane to have ANOTHER stone on the other side but the pain was the same as it was on the left. The problem at this point is that dh was out of town and I was stuck at home because the friends who I thought could possibly take me in were working. I called dh's office and someone was able to come pick me up and take me back to the hospital. I was in an insane amount of pain by that time and no amount of Morphine was helping. I was hooked up to a PCA-a pump that allowed me to give myself Morphine every 10 minutes. I had to push the button every 10 minutes all night long to get any relief. I didn't sleep at all and was an emotional mess of a human being by that point. All I wanted was my husband and to feel better. Something wasn't right because my pain wasn't going away and even after getting an u/s of my kidney's-where NO stones showed up-doctors thought maybe I just had a kidney infection so I was started on antibiotics. On that Friday the OB's didn't know what to do with me because I was still throwing up from pain, even on constant Morphine. The answer was to send me to Tucson so I could be seen by a urologist and a peri. I was given a shot of Demerol mixed with Zofran for the ambulance ride and was FINALLY able to relax. It didn't knock me completely out as I was still able to function and answer questions on the hour and a half ride up to Tucson. At that point dh was trying to get his plane tickets changed so he could be with me and I really don't remember much of that Tucson hospital stay-other than my roommate who spoke as much English as I spoke Spanish. I did get monitored in L&D and admitted with the diagnosis of a possible UTI and kidney infection (when I KNEW it was a stone). I had another u/s of my kidney's which showed no blockage and no stone (I was unsure about doing a CT scan as I didn't want to harm little Skittle in any way). I was frustrated from the pain and dh was frustrated with the drive back and forth to Tucson. I was released that Monday afternoon when I finally felt like my pain had gone down-exactly a week after my first kidney stone attack.

The next day the pain was so intense I had to go back to the local hospital and was again ambulanced to Tucson with a shot of Demerol. The on call doctor in Tucson felt horrible that I had to be admitted again that they pulled out all the stops and got me a u/s of Skittle, a CT, and ordered an EKG and echo of my heart. They weren't going to mess around anymore-for which I am thankful. That night I had the CT-on the lowest possible radiation settling-and found several small stones on my right side and one 5mm stone on the top section of my kidney on my right. I WAS RIGHT. I did have a stinkin' stone when no one would believe me. I was then scheduled for surgery the next night.

I refused to sign the consent for anaesthesia because I was paranoid for Skittle and wanted to know all the risks before I signed. A last minute decision landed me with a spinal and I was awake for the entire procedure. Talk about freak out. (I didn't do so well with sitting still while they poked my back with needles! I kept apologizing to the anaesthesiologist.) I didn't feel any pain during the surgery-just after. The urologist went in through my urethra and managed to clamp the stone and pull it out. Thank goodness I didn't have to have a stent on top of it. The stone was just about the same size as the apple seed stone I had passed earlier in the week!

My recovery was explained to me like, "You'll feel like you're passing a kidney stone-but there won't be one." LOVELY. MORE PAIN. After my spinal wore off, all Hell broke loose. I had to be in L&D for an hour hooked up to the monitors for Skittle's sake and let's just say it again, MORPHINE doesn't help my kidney pain AT ALL. I continued to throw up until I was back in my hospital room. I do need to give a shout out to my favorite nurse of all time, Heidi, who kept me almost pain free with Dilaudid in my IV every hour for the first 6 hours. She was absolutely amazing.

I desperately wanted to get out of the hospital on Friday-but the doc had "strongly suggested" that I stay in as they didn't want to happen what happened the last time I was released. We fought it and I was home by 10pm on Friday night. I'm still pretty sore from the surgery and struggling with the weight of my belly pushing down on my kidney's. I'm just praying that those small stones on my right stay where they are at least until Skittle is born. I'm miserably uncomfortable as when I was in the hospital the only time I got out of bed was to go to the bathroom or shower so having a much larger belly than I did two weeks ago is taking it's toll on my body as I try to move/walk. (This is my blog and I'll complain if I want to!) I'm just done. I do hope those that Skittle gives me a few more weeks before I go into labor as I really want to recover some before I deal with the pain of labor.

I appreciate anyone who actually finished reading this crazy post about my pain and the crap of the last two weeks. I have an appt with Dr. K tomorrow (because I missed the last one due to my hospital stay) and I'll update again when I can.

Things I've Learned

Here's just a random list of things I've learned over the past 9 months.

I've learned that:

-Yogurt is the only thing that doesn't hurt coming back up when I vomit
-Eating a hot dog at any time of the day (even 10am) brings NASTY heartburn when I lie down at night
-My husband is truly a gift from God and extremely patient with me (even when getting out of bed at 3 am to rub my back and hold back my hair when I am barfing in the bathroom-yes he did that every single time)
-I can actually be quite organized (and I like it!) when it comes to baby clothes, baby things, and especially cloth diapers
-Every pregnancy is different and how each person deals with pregnancy is different
-I will NEVER take for granted sleeping on my stomach, rolling over in bed without groaning, and not having to get up to pee every two hrs through the night
-Conception, pregnancy, and child birth are incredible and perfectly orchestrated by God-It really amazes me that women can get pregnant at all let alone how our bodies know exactly what is needed and how to push these little humans out. Really, think about it...God knew what He was doing by designing us the way He did.
-Even though I'm pregnant, I am still very sensitive to those who are struggling with infertility and who have gone through miscarriages. I will never forget this journey.

I'm sure there are more things that I've learned but that's my list for now.

Nursery and 3/d u/s pictures!

Here are some nursery pictures. I'm NOT so good with the camera getting all the right shots but I tried!

Messy closet with the dresser:

Here are some pictures of little Skittle at 32 weeks gestation. We think she is absolutely perfect! She was facing my back and she was being VERY stubborn and didn't want us to take pictures of her face. We had to keep poking her and pushing on my belly to get her to look at us. Even then, it was only for a couple seconds at a time.

Big fluffy lips and cheeks!

Yes, her eye looks funny here-it's all the camera angle. (I think she was getting tired of us messing with her!)

Like a little angel...

Dh's favorite pic...such long fingers!

Here We Go Again...

I had my 32 week OB appt this morning (really I'm 32 weeks 5 days but couldn't get seen before this because of the holiday) and I wish things had gone better. I mean, weight and bp are still perfect but once again, I'm measuring small. This time I'm measuring 4 weeks behind. Not good. What Dr. S had talked about two weeks ago was that little or no growth is a bad thing-and ordered up the u/s I had with the Peri, which I had around 31 weeks gestation. Now that it's almost 2 weeks later and I've only grown 1cm, something isn't right. I saw Dr. K today and since I had just had the growth scan 10ish days ago-and Skittle was only measuring 5 days behind then, I won't be getting another u/s right now. Dr. K did say that they are going to keep an eye on things and will recheck me again in two weeks (at which time I also get to do the lovely vaginal swab for GBS (I can't remember what it stands for...). I'm not thrilled but you gotta do whatcha gotta do.

One thing that irritates the crap out of me is that I have to have an IV and must be strapped down for labor. I talked with the nurse about it today and she said that if I go to the hospital during early labor they will let me walk the halls and do intermittent monitoring but not during active labor. Give me a break! My plan is to go as naturally as possible without pain meds (though, I do know my pain tolerance is very low as AF cramps bring me to my knees and God help me-or Morphine-when I have a kidney stone but I at least want to try to go without an epidural) but I feel like I'm hitting a wall when it comes to how I want to labor and this hospital is making it difficult for me to feel like I can do it without meds! Did you know that 75% of women use an epidural during labor? My chances are high that I'll end up going that way-but shoot, I'd like like an environment that encourages NO meds! I asked if I was allowed to push in a different position other than on my back and I was told NO if the doc was catching the baby. It makes my decision to labor here in town bittersweet as I know that if I was to be at that birthing center in Tucson, they would let me do it how I want to. (Such as pushing on all fours or squatting-which greatly reducing the chance for tearing, labor in a tub, eating small snacks to keep my strength up, not having an IV, etc.) I don't want to regret my decision but it's hard not to think about that.

I'll post my 3d/4d pictures and pictures of the nursery in my next post as I'm going to post a link to that blog entry on FB.

Thanks for reading!

Updates all around

I thought I'd do a quick update for those who are interested. I had my spontaneous u/s last week in Tucson and I was so happy that Dh got to go with me. (And not just because there was construction at every turn and I would have been completely paranoid/freaked out and turned around about finding the clinic but also because I needed that emotional support he provided.) The Peri that I saw was FABULOUS as was her tech who did the u/s. They were happy bubbly people who made me feel great right as I walked in. The tech began by doing measurements on Skittle's head, leg,belly, and fluid levels. Her leg, belly, and fluid were perfectly on track. Her head is still measuring a little behind (two weeks-and the shape is perfect) but the Peri wasn't even a little bit concerned (and hey, a small head could mean good things during labor! Or at least I hope...). Our baby was predicted to be weighing in at 3 lbs 5 oz which put her in the 37th percentile. I, of course, started to cry because things looked so good and right then she gave a nice kick in my ribs to show her affection. I even politely asked the tech to check out the "goods" on Skittle just to confirm "she" was a "she". The tech didn't mind at all! (What a change from my 21 week u/s on base!!!) The tech immediately said, "Oh she is DEFINITELY a girl!" Emphasis on the definitely. When we got home that day, I finally felt like I could wash and cut the tags off her clothes.

The nursery is just about complete and yes, pictures are to come. My parents are coming out this weekend to help with the final touches. I'm getting pretty excited to meet my little girl and yes, I know, I have NO idea what we're in for with a newborn in the house. I can't wait! (But you keep cooking little Skittle!! No appearances yet!)

I also wanted to update on my Cardio stuff. I had an appt with Dr. E today to go over my echo and heart monitor readings. Everything seemed to be OK except that I have two leaky valves, which could be pregnancy related. I have to go back to have it checked out once Skittle is born.

All I can say is that God is so good to us. We are incredibly blessed and I don't ever want to forget that.

30 weeks!

Happy Father's Day to my daddy-to-be hubby! I can't believe we only have 10ish weeks left until my due date. I guess you'd now consider me in my 7th month? I'm not sure.

We had our first birthing/prenatal class this past Thursday and while it didn't give us a whole lot of new info, we were able to do a tour of the hospital where I'll be giving birth. It certainly makes things feel a bit more real. It was interesting to see how all of us ladies in the class are pretty much the same gestation, yet we are carry so much differently. I stick just about straight out while we could barely tell some women were pregnant! Crazy!

On Friday I had my 30 week OB appt. My blood pressure is perfect, so is my weight gain. (It's still scary to see those numbers on the scale though!) I also got ANOTHER lecture from a nurse about my iron but trust me I've been doing really well with taking it! The only problem? I'm measuring two weeks behind now. (If you remember, four weeks ago I was measuring just one week behind.) Dr. S said that it's good that we are still seeing growth but there just isn't enough. He's sending me for a detailed u/s and a consult with a Perinatologist in Tucson on Wednesday. I did panic after I walked out of the office but friends and family have calmed me down a bunch in the last couple days. Honestly, I'm trying my best not to think about it until Wednesday. I've gone through scenarios, good and bad, and I just need to let go and let God handle it. Please pray for me and little Skittle-that I would not stress about this and that she would continue to grow properly. In the meantime I'm trying to up my protein intake as I've heard that can help fatten her up a little.

Thanks everyone! I love you all!

Almost 29 weeks now!

It's that time in pregnancy when doing the (second time for me) glucose tolerance test (GTT) is required. Blah! I hated it the first time I did it-around 14 weeks-and I hated it this time. OK, so it really isn't THAT bad but I still felt pretty sick after chugging down what seemed like pure sugar on an almost empty stomach. I also had my iron rechecked and I was dreading a call from the nurse because that meant that something was off. I got that call today. The super good news?? I passed the GTT with flying colors!!! My score was 101 and the cut off is 140. Yay! The bad news? My iron is still low though up from 14 weeks. At 14 weeks it was 10.3 and now it's 10.7. It needs to be between 11-17. I'm close! I did admit to the nurse that I had only been taking my iron at night (and uh, I actually had been skipping it A LOT) so I got a stern lecture on how I MUST take it morning and night because they don't want me going into labor being anemic. OK, OK I'll be better...

Onto more fun things...

We FINALLY ordered the crib, changing table, and dresser for little skittles room over Memorial Day weekend. I was starting to get paranoid that we'd never do it-or that it would get back ordered and I'd be forced to deal with it after she came home. I went to Babies R Us on Monday to pick up the crib and changing table and on Tuesday I went back up to Tucson to pick up the dresser. Dh and I (mostly Dh) set everything up in her room and I am completely in love with what we picked! Here are a couple pictures from her "work in progress" nursery:

That crib box was strapped on to the roof of my car! Terrible experience...

Starting the fun!

Indy having fun with the plastic. Gotta love him!

Crib complete! Now we just have to get a mattress and bedding.

Indy was tired by the end. A tired Indy is a good Indy!

Belly Pictures

Here is my belly progression from 6 weeks until 26 weeks!

Where did the time go?

It seems like time is going so quickly! I'm already 26 weeks! I had a check up with my OB yesterday and things are going well. My bp is fine and so is my weight. (I only gained 3 lbs in 4 weeks! yay!) The only thing that is a little off is my fundus height. I'm measuring a little small (was 25 cm and not 26 cm like I should be) but the doc isn't too concerned yet and there is a margin of error of +/- 1 cm. In two weeks I go for my second glucose test and to have my iron rechecked. (Though I was told that I'll still have to take my iron pills regardless of what the outcome is. BOO on that!)

I also had my heart echo this week and while that wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done (exposing my upper half to the world for 30 minutes was a bit uncomfortable), it wasn't too bad. I was able to go 8 minutes on the treadmill for my stress test and was told that was impressive for a pregnant woman (and especially since I haven't done a lick of exercise this entire pregnancy)! It sucked having to hold my breath when I was completely OUT of breath!! I thought the tech was trying to kill me at one point. "Oh sorry, that time I made you hold it a little too long..." Yeah no kidding-my face turned red, my heart almost popped out of my body and I thought I was going to pass out. The initial report back was good with no red flags! That's super good news for me! I'm also still wearing the heart monitor-and again, not a fun thing but for the first three recordings, nothing major is wrong with my heart. Praise the Lord! I go back to the heart doc next month to go into more detail of what was found but as of right now, I'm not concerned at all about my heart.

On to a new topic:

Dh and I have decided to try cloth diapering. Now, before you go all "What? Why would you want to do that??!" on me, I know that it isn't for everyone but we want to give it a shot (there actually wasn't too much convincing Dh either-he was on board right away!) I wish I could say that my motivation was an environmental, go green kind of thing, but it really isn't. It's an economical, money saving thing. Cloth diapers (CD) have come a LONG way since my mother CD'd my sister and me. There are no more pins and HUGE plastic pants just super cute colored or printed diapers that closely resemble disposable diapers that you wash and reuse. The money savings can really add up! It looks like we could save $1000-2000 from birth to potty training (depending on the system we use). How can you argue with that? Our plan is to start CDing and using cloth wipes (that I've started sewing myself) once the baby's cord falls off and stick with it as long as possible. I've already started my CD stash! It's quite addicting!

Well, that's the update for now. Shoot, I still haven't loaded the other u/s pics yet...I will soon!

21 week u/s

Here are two pictures from our 21 week u/s. I'll post the girly shots from our 24 week u/s another time!

Moster lips!

Tumb sucking?

A Heavy Heart

I will never forget what Mother’s Day was like for me last year-nor will I ever forget the pain of my infertility. Had I never gone through my infertility struggles, I never would have known what it is like for others living without mothers and for those who have lost children or so desperately want children but can’t have them.

My friend Lisa sent me a link to this blog and I think it is worth checking out.

http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2010/04/what-if.html

I cried my eyes out when I watched the video as it hit so close to home. Every one of those what if questions the woman asked, I thought daily. Even now my heart is heavy and I continue to struggle. To be honest, it is still very hard to see Facebook announcements of pregnancy, belly pictures, and ultrasounds. You might think that’s weird because I’m pregnant but I feel for those who are still dealing with infertility and for those coping with pregnancy losses. I get jealous seeing how easily my Facebook friends can get pregnant and get pregnant naturally. I have not posted any ultrasound pictures or belly pictures on FB for that very reason. I was even hesitant to post them on my blog-but decided that people can choose to look if they want.

Please understand that I know that my pain of infertility has only been the last 3-4 years and others have struggled far longer and are still trying to find peace. This baby is a miracle. I will never forget that. People have prayed for me for years to become a mother. I am still hearing stories of prayer warriors who I have never met who prayed for me daily and still continue to do so. What a great joy and blessing those stories have been to me. I’m so thankful that this baby (whether a girl or boy) is still growing and living and that I have a chance to become a mother.

As a side note: I did have another u/s at 24 weeks and was told baby was a girl. I still am not sure if I can believe it! Time will tell.

quick belly pic post

Thanks to everyone who still reads this and for the comments!! I honestly wasn't sure if people still followed me. More friends have been asking for belly pics and my sis pestered hard enough that Dh took one of me tonight. I want to make a progression of the pictures but this will have to do until I get around to it.

23 weeks 3 days:

Better Safe than Sorry

I thought I'd do an update from my 22 week OB appt. At my appt on Friday, I was told that my blood pressure (bp) is creeping up a bit and so is my weight (though the nurse said I'm right on track)! You'd think I'd be more concerned about the bp but really, it's the weight gain. I'm up 11 lbs. UGH. I really don't feel fatter but dh oh so sweetly said that I don't look too different but he can feel it when he touches my arms/legs. EWWW....gross. I really didn't think I'd mind gaining weight but reality has set in. I'm going to get a lot bigger/fatter and I'm not so OK with it as I thought I would be.

At the appt I also mentioned to Dr. S that I've been having a lot of heart flutters/palpitations lately. I also had a freaky episode of having heart flutters every 5-10 seconds for about an hour two weeks ago. Now, I do have a heart murmur that shows up only when I'm pg (and is VERY common in pg women) so I didn't think too much about the flutters until they started happening every day, when I lie on my left side, and when I drink cold liquids. Dr. S sent me to a cardiologist today. He said, "It's better to be safe than sorry." And, I agree.

At my heart appt today, my blood pressure was normal but my EKG was not. Honestly, it was scary seeing ABNORMAL written all over the report. From what I can remember, Dr. E said my heart is slow at pushing out enough blood and one ventricle is having a hard time keeping up (He showed me my heart rhythms and saw what he meant.) Dr. E said that he usually sees that with patients with high blood pressure and thinks it's weird that my bp is fine. He thinks my heart flutters will go away once I deliver but the abnormal EKG is what is making me go in for several more tests. I have to have a heart echo done next month (basically, a u/s of my heart, then a stress test, and then another u/s of my heart) and wear a heart monitor for a MONTH (but I can't start that until Tricare approves it.)

I'm glad that I mentioned the heart flutters to my OB and that I was able to see Dr. E about it. I'm glad to be taken seriously when it has to do with my heart...even if it turns out to be nothing.
I also want to mention that so far, our skittle is growing well and is healthy! My u/s report showed that everything is measuring spot on for our little one and has no markers for chromosomal abnormalities.

I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this blog and that's OK if that's true (and if you are, THANK YOU!!!). It always makes me feel better to write out what's happening and I'll have a bit of a journal from my pg. :)

It's a boy! or so I thought

Last week-April 15-I got to drink a butt load of water (I'm talking 16 oz of water every 15 minutes for an hour), feel as though walking may burst my bladder, and have a probe pushing on my stomach/bladder for 45 minutes threatening a stream of urine all over myself and the exam table. Good times! Obviously, it was all worth it to see our little skittle again at our anatomy u/s but wow, that hurt. As the tech was finishing taking femur, head, stomach, and fluid measurements (which looked fine to me-but we won't know anything until my next OB appt on the 23rd), she scanned down to the pelvis. I asked her, "How's he doing?" She looked completely STUNNED and said back to me, "What would make you think that this is a boy?" Uhhh, because that's what I was told at my last u/s!? I said that I had had a private u/s in Tucson because I knew you guys wouldn't tell me the sex...I was right in that she wouldn't/couldn't tell us and could not even print out pictures of a gender shot or put the gender in the report to my OB. The tech kept saying over and over, "Who did your u/s? Was the machine good? Why would he tell you a boy? It is VERY obvious what this child is!" Of course that got our minds spinning. She said to google the image and we will know for sure. The picture was the classic "hamburger" shot with three distinct girly lines with no hint of a penis or scrotum. As we walked away (after I literally cried during the first time I was allowed to go to the bathroom) we were completely convinced that we were having a girl. Talk about a complete change in thought!

First u/s scan done by a private place in Tucson:

Once I got home I posted that pic of our first u/s on fertilityfriend.com to my friends and explained the story. I got a lot of responses that it very well could still be a boy (and that they can't be sure because I wasn't able to get a print out from the second u/s)! WHAT!?!? I honestly don't care the gender of our baby but I just want to know either way! I will be getting another u/s May 6 and I hope we'll get a clearer picture of what this child is! I'm also quite anxious to get the measurement report back and see how our skittle is doing/growing...only a couple more days for that.

On a complete separate note, a friend of mine drove down from Kingman this past weekend to bring me some baby boy (As her son is 2 years old and is due next month with a girl. She swears they are done having kids...) and maternity clothes. I've never seen so many baby clothes in one place before! Dh keeps saying that a Babies R Us exploded in our house. We are so blessed! If we do have a boy, this child will not need any clothing for at least a year.

Here is a pic to prove it (Indy had to be there too): The bins behind me are completely full too...

It's a....

...BOY!!! We are so incredibly thrilled! At the elective u/s, baby was head down but face up. We didn't get a very clear shot of his goods but the tech was extremely sure HE was a HE.

I'm also at my half way victory lap!!! 20 weeks! I go for the level II u/s next week to make sure baby is growing properly and his organs are looking good. I'm excited to see him again!

Today is the day!

Today is the day that we get to *try* and find out if this baby is a boy or a girl!

I think I should start at the beginning and tell you what happened...

I went in for my 18 weeks doc appt, this time with Dr. S and not Dr. K and it lasted oh, five minutes. Everything was on track for 18 weeks and I was sent home with two labs slips. One was for my triple screen blood test and the other was for a u/s! I have to get both of those done on base so I went that day to go schedule them. I did my blood work right away and headed over to the radiology dept. I had this wonderful idea that I would be able to get an appt for the next week, which happened to be my 4th wedding anniversary...ahhh, wouldn't that be perfect?? What a present! Well, when I was talking to the receptionist she informed me that the tech who does u/s is on leave for the next two weeks and the earliest I could get in would be April 15. Now, I know that a level II u/s is for measurements and fluid levels and all that good stuff but I thought they would be able to tell me the sex too! I started to tear up as I just had my heart set on April 2. (Yes, I'm hormonal.) I would have to wait three more weeks! I was so incredible disappointed that when I got home I started looking over the paperwork and it says, and I quote, "The tech will not tell you the sex of your baby, so DON'T ask." Sure, maybe the tech would slip it out somehow but I could not be satisfied with that. Oh no! I called up the only private baby u/s place in Tucson and requested an appt, which is for TODAY!!! I do have to have proof that I've had a u/s already (hopefully the one at 11 weeks will count!) and drink a billion gallons of water but I can't wait!!!

I'll be posting an announcement on FB but I'll also update this when I can for those of you who aren't on FB.

I'm off to drink MORE water...

ETA:
I will NEVER and I mean NEVER drink 16 oz of water in less than two minutes EVER again...It was an experience I never will forget!

"Is she fat or is she pregnant?"

I swear people are thinking that when I walk by...Hummm, "Is she fat? Wait, maybe she's pregnant..." UUgghh, not my favorite stage but this too shall pass.

As per the request of more and one friend, here are some belly pics.

The first is from 6 weeks 4 days-the day we saw our little skittle's heart beating on the u/s and the second is from tonight: 18 weeks (I think it just looks like I've eaten too much cheesecake!!!).

Israel and More

I wrote an Israel overview in a note on Facebook but I wanted to say a bit more about our trip-and more about my pregnancy in the last couple weeks.

Physically, Israel was a tough trip. My body had a pretty hard time adjusting to the time and diet changes. I was used to eating whenever I needed and resting whenever I needed. We were on such a strict pace that I just didn't feel well about half the time. I barfed on the plane, I barfed on the bus, and I barfed in the hotel room. We ate only three huge meals (and I was used to eating 6 small meals) a day and even with snacking on the treats I brought, it was hard. I also am not in as good of shape as I thought I was. In the beginning when we hiked on Nimrod's fortress and climbed around Megiddo I thought I was going to pass out with all the steps (which by the way, I'm not talking about little steps, no, these suckers were HUGE roman style rocks a foot and a half between each one.).

Don't get me wrong, it was the most amazing trip I've ever been on, and probably ever will go on. I learned so much more than I thought I would even when Ronny, our tour guide, would shove so much information down our throats that I just didn't think I could absorb any more. I've already been asked what my favorite part of the trip was. That's so hard to answer! I was most overwhelmed when we were boating on the Sea of Galilee knowing that Jesus had been on the same lake. Sitting in the Garden of Gethsemani listening to our pastor teach was also something beautiful. Just to be able to read the gospels now and picture the places where Jesus walked is priceless.

Something pretty cool is that when we were there, BOTH Dh and I got to feel the baby move!! The sensation is kind of creepy to me but I know without a doubt it was the baby. I feel it randomly every day now.

I'm attaching a few photos from our trip. I plan on uploading many more to FB sometime soon.

On the Sea of Galilee:

Me getting baptized in the Jordan River:

Nimrod's fortress built either in the 12th or 13th Century:

My first OB appt!

I had my very first OB appt today! My pregnancy finally feels real. It's still scary-but much more real. I was supposed to just have an OB physical done by a nurse but instead, once I got there I was told that since I went through IVF I would get to see the real doc today. I was VERY happy to hear that. I thought it was very strange that I would be 14 weeks and still wouldn't have seen or met the doc that would potentially deliver my baby. Anyway, he goes to my church and was incredibly down to earth (he went on the SAME Israel trip 2 years ago and was thrilled that I was going to go). It's kind of funny that while I wait to meet any new doctor to come in the room, one of the first things I do is look for the latex gloves box. Why? Because the size of the gloves=the size of his hands. Thank goodness he wore size small! hehe! That was good sign number one. He was fast but very thorough (as no one likes having strangers look up their who-ha's for long periods of time) then he told me to meet him in his office to go over everything. The baby's heartbeat was in the high 150's (baby even kicked the doppler!), my stomach/uterus is measuring perfectly for 14 weeks, and my cervix looked just right. I think I'm really pregnant!

One more thing that really impressed me was that when I mentioned I was having bad, very painful headaches in the back of my head, he took me into an exam room and rubbed and pushed on it and then gave me a chiropractic adjustment! Apparently, I have two HUGE knots at the base of my skull that are causing pressure and pain-most likely from tension and stress. I was told that I should get professional massages if Dh wasn't willing but he also gave me a prescription for some pain meds (mostly for when we are in Israel and we'll be running around a lot). I have to see his partner next appt (in 4 weeks) but at least I know I like ONE of the two docs who could deliver me. (Wow, to even think of delivery is just weird!)

I forgot to mention that I also have "pregnancy anemia." I'm now taking 10x the amount of iron I was before. As if I wasn't already sick to my stomach and constipated...

2nd Trimester!!

I think I'm officially in the 2nd trimester! I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow. It's almost weird to think about. Now I just wish my pesky preg symptoms would tone down a bit. M/S, headaches EVERY day, and constipation...take a hike would you!?

I guess things are still going OK. It's really hard for me without much conformation that our baby is still alive. I don't feel any movement yet and my belly isn't really growing too much so all I have to go on is our heart doppler. It's certainly a comfort to hear it beating away.

I have an appt on Friday at my OB so I'll update more after that!

Week 11 update

I am now officially the farthest along I've ever been. The first time I miscarried I was 11 weeks 3 days and today I am 11 weeks 5 days. It's a good feeling. Obviously, I still have a very long way to go, but for now things are still going smoothly. At my 11 week RE appt, baby was still measuring a day behind but again, there was no concern. Fluid levels were great and baby was moving his/her arms a lot with the occasional leg kick. Because I have had no problems, I was released a week early! I was able to walk out with my records and told to find an OB right away. I finally made the decision to go with a local OB and not do the drive to Tucson for the birthing center. I know that I can always change my mind if I don't feel comfortable with Dr. K. I again am NOT thrilled with dealing with a man but I've heard great things about him from several people, including my RE's nurse. My first appt is tomorrow with Dr. K's nurse just to get lab slips and to go over my history.

I've tried to avoid talking about my pregnancy symptoms but I think they are worth mentioning now. "Morning" sickness (m/s-or in my case-ALL DAY sickness) SUCKS. I had severe sore boobs when I was pregnant the first time-so much so that I couldn't sleep on my stomach and showering was painful. This time, I have almost no soreness at all. They were sore in the beginning of IVF but it tapered off at 7 weeks-exactly when the m/s started. I either have bad days of m/s or not so bad bad days. I'm either nauseous ALL day or I'm nauseous ALL day with vomiting. If I vomit in the morning, I always vomit in the evening. I was given Zofran and while it does help, I still feel pretty miserable. "This too shall pass" is what my mother and I keep saying but man it's hard. I guess I wasn't expecting it to be this bad since it wasn't for my last two pg's. I'm now learning that every pg is different.

Dh and I will be going to Israel for a once in a lifetime experience/church tour/educational trip in March for close to two weeks. I'm so afraid that I'm going to feel awful the entire time. I know that I'll have to pack half a suitcase full of food so that I can eat every hour (seriously, I eat every hr to keep the m/s at bay). It's not going to be so fun if there I am sitting on our tour bus and I have to continually barf in a plastic bag...I'm assuming those buses aren't well ventilated. Poor, poor passengers. Let's pray that things get better soon!

A friend of mine gave me Intelligender-a silly little gender predictor kit that supposedly tells you the sex of your baby beginning from week 8. I've had to wait to use it because the package says that taking a progesterone supplement will skew the results. Now that I am FREEEEE from PIO, I decided to take it this morning. Here are my results!

I think it looks closer to the girl result. Opinions?? What do you guys think? I guess we'll try to confirm one way or another in 9 weeks via u/s! Hey, they have a 50% chance of being right. :)

Oh, I also wanted to mention that I bought a home fetal heartbeat monitor. I've been able to find the heartbeat twice and it does put my mind much more at ease. I don't want to use it too much because well, who knows what all those sound waves are doing to the baby in there but it sure helps me feel better.

Still going strong!

Again, my post is long overdue but after finishing our taxes (I LOVE doing them!) I thought I should write. I wish so much that our stinkin' scanner would work because we got a pretty good picture of our little skittle yesterday.

At my 9 week u/s last week baby was measuring exactly 9 weeks and the heartbeat looked great. He/she even wiggled a couple times!

Yesterday at my 10 week u/s baby measured a little bit behind. Depending on the angle, he/she measured 9 weeks 5 days or 9 weeks 6 days. My RE wasn't concerned at all since the heart still looked very good. I'm doing my best not to dwell on it and hopefully by next week he/she will have caught up some. I should also mention that as soon as we saw the baby my RE said, "He's clearly sucking his thumb!" Obviously, we don't know if "it" is a he or she but the point is that baby was sucking away! It was awesome! We also saw the umbilical cord coming from the belly and there was plenty of fluid around the baby.

Some other good news is that I was cleared to reduce my PIO!!! I get to stop completely after Sunday's dose! Thank you Jesus!! That will be such a blessing...to both of us.

The RE also said that we'll start talking about OB's at my next appt. I keep debating whether or not to go with a local OB-deliver at the hospital in town or use a midwife/birthing center in Tucson-which is connected to a hospital an hour away. To drive or not to drive. I go back and forth every day about it. I have another week to decide it looks like.

I'm going to work on our scanner and see if I can't get that bugger to work. I think taking a picture of the u/s with the camera just won't do it justice.

Thanks for checking up on me!

PIO BLOWS!

I have to go do my shot and I don't want to! Yes, I'm whining! I was given a larger gage needle the last time I was at the pharmacy and tonight is the night I have to use it! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm going from a 25g to a 22g! That's a big difference for those of you who don't know!

It's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it...hopefully I won't bleed to death from a puncture wound to the butt!

**********ETA**********

Dh is my hero! He found a secret stash of 25g needles! There are only four of them left so I HAVE to remember to get more from my RE on Thursday! I was on the verge of tears with those 25g needles. You have no idea.

8 weeks and counting

I guess I should update my blog...I've been getting quite a bit of emails from ya'll asking me what's going on so I think it's time I tell you!

I had a scary spotting episode on Monday and completely freaked out. It was just several spots of brown blood but it got me thinking of the past and feeling more terrified than I have in a very long time. My last miscarriage began with brown blood and progressed from there. By the time I had a u/s (I think I was just over 8 weeks last time) the baby was already dead. You cannot even begin to imagine the fear that I felt on Monday. I called Dh at work crying hysterically...so much so that he thought someone broke in the house and was holding me hostage at gunpoint. I called my RE still crying and shaking and they said I could come in the next day for a u/s. Dh was able to go with me and I don't remember breathing through the u/s at all. My cervix was closed and the nurse was able to see where the bleed probably came from and showed me on the u/s. At that time I was 7 weeks 5 days along and there still was that beautiful heartbeat. The baby was fine and I wasn't bleeding at all by that point. Baby measured 9mm long.

Fast forward to Thursday (Jan 14): I still got to go back for ANOTHER u/s (my 5th one since finding out I was pg!) with my RE. Baby now measures 16mm! Personally, I think the nurse messed up the measurements because that's such a vast difference for only 2 days in between u/s's. I go back again next Thursday, Jan 21. I absolutely LOVE being monitored this much. It eases my mind more than you will ever know. (I'm still on PIO by the way and as much as I HATE it with a passion-I know it's worth every muscle ache and every scream of pain from the needle pinching the crap out of my bum. Four more weeks until I'm done!!!)

My next scary adventure will be finding an OB in this town and crawling through the hoops of Tricare.

I know people still have issues with IVF and I have gone over some of my thoughts and beliefs on the subject before but it still burns me that people have such strong opinions on something that know NOTHING about (infertility treatments in general). Just a word: I am a born again Christian and I think IVF is OK. I did NOT kill my embryos by doing IVF. I do not plan on killing ANY embryos that we still have. I would never do selective reduction. I would never donate any of our babies to research. I believe life begins with conception. PERIOD. Gender selection is just freaky and shouldn't be messed with. Rant over.

If you want something to read and have loads of time to do so, check out these comments: http://www.jillstanek.com/archives/2010/01/post_78.html

I love you all!!!

6 Weeks 4 days:

I had another u/s today...We saw a heartbeat!!! I didn't get the beats per minute and I think if I did, I would just stress over it so I'm glad I didn't ask what it was. RE still says that things look great and I go back again on Jan 14 (exactly 8 weeks along) to see if there is growth and if there is still a heartbeat. I know we're not out of hot water yet, but at least I can check off one milestone.

This miracle is from your prayers. I cannot express how truly grateful I am that you all are still praying for me.

To God the glory forever.