A Heavy Heart

I will never forget what Mother’s Day was like for me last year-nor will I ever forget the pain of my infertility. Had I never gone through my infertility struggles, I never would have known what it is like for others living without mothers and for those who have lost children or so desperately want children but can’t have them.

My friend Lisa sent me a link to this blog and I think it is worth checking out.

http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2010/04/what-if.html

I cried my eyes out when I watched the video as it hit so close to home. Every one of those what if questions the woman asked, I thought daily. Even now my heart is heavy and I continue to struggle. To be honest, it is still very hard to see Facebook announcements of pregnancy, belly pictures, and ultrasounds. You might think that’s weird because I’m pregnant but I feel for those who are still dealing with infertility and for those coping with pregnancy losses. I get jealous seeing how easily my Facebook friends can get pregnant and get pregnant naturally. I have not posted any ultrasound pictures or belly pictures on FB for that very reason. I was even hesitant to post them on my blog-but decided that people can choose to look if they want.

Please understand that I know that my pain of infertility has only been the last 3-4 years and others have struggled far longer and are still trying to find peace. This baby is a miracle. I will never forget that. People have prayed for me for years to become a mother. I am still hearing stories of prayer warriors who I have never met who prayed for me daily and still continue to do so. What a great joy and blessing those stories have been to me. I’m so thankful that this baby (whether a girl or boy) is still growing and living and that I have a chance to become a mother.

As a side note: I did have another u/s at 24 weeks and was told baby was a girl. I still am not sure if I can believe it! Time will tell.