SHOCKED!

So, I was actually about to close my eyes and take a much needed nap when I got an "unknown" call on my cell-like 10 mins ago.  My first thought was to let it go to voicemail but for whatever reason I answered it.  Guess what?  It was SAAMC infertility clinic!  I'm still shocked!!!   They scheduled me for my consult appt for Nov 26th!  I have to bring all of my infertility records, including Skittle's birth (I think I'll need a backpack just to carry all the papers!!!), and I have to somehow figure out how to get my HSG scan from 2008 in Idaho.  So much for it taking 2-3 months after my infertility class to contact me!  Try 2-3 WEEKS! 

It's going to be a bit of a scramble to get all my records together (Idaho, Kansas, Arizona, and Texas) but I have most of them.  It's unfortunate that I'll have to repeat several tests including that HSG but if I can get bumped to the April IVF group I'll do whatever it takes!   

Dh and I have been praying about our many decisions.  Did God just open up a way for us to do IVF?  Please be praying for us!  We had a good long talk about what we should do and SAAMC was pretty much ruled out unless we can do IVF before we move next summer.  Flying back to AZ is probably going to be our next choice as we just can't find any reasonable prices here in Texas. 

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Just another little side post to say that Skittle had her opthamology appt today and she did GREAT.  The doc was super impressed with her and actually said that if he had a kid like her, he'd have ten more!  I just said, "Thank you! We're working on that." 

The clinic was awesome despite many short coming (like they didn't even call to tell me that she had an appt...minor detail, and it taking over an hour just to see the doctor).  They were well equipped to see the small ones as they had toys and activities IN the patient rooms (not even her Pedi has toys!).  She doesn't appear to have any eye muscle issues so she doesn't require a patch or glasses to correct her "wondering eye".  He said it was the bridge of her nose causing it.  What's funny is that my sister has the same wide bridged nose!  She'll be rechecked in six months but as of now, she looks perfect! 

I hope you don't mind that I'm posting a couple (well, three) of her Halloween pictures. (Her poor eye looks pretty bad in the first one but normal in the others!)  If you click on the pictures they look even better bigger. 

One month down!

Three months before I conceived Skittle, I had some of the worst menstrual cramps of my life. I'm talking curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out kind of painful.  That next month I had my lap surgery and stage III endometriosis was found and cleared out.  I've still had some painful periods since Skittle's birth but nothing like before she was born.  I am, however happy to report that this is the FIRST and only time I have EVER been cramp free (I'm talking not a single bit of pain, not even a twinge!!!!) on the first day of my cycle!!! Even when I did the endo diet before, I still had cramps so I'm not sure why this time is so different.  I've been on the endo diet for a month now and while I'm not the best on it during the weekends, I've been pretty good about staying away from gluten/dairy/red meat/soy during the week.

Unfortunately, this diet has done nothing for my fibro pain and while I expected it to be like that (my rheumatologist said as much), I had high hopes that this diet would help that pain too, even if just a little.   I'm actually seeing an increase in pain lately (with today being the worst in a long time) but I hope it's just a phase.  It makes me so so sad to not be able to wear many of my Halloween socks anymore.  The bands on the longer socks just cause too much discomfort for me to ignore any longer. 

I've been working out about five days a week since I started the endo diet.  (Actually, now that I think about it, that could be causing the increase in Fibro issues.)  While I haven't lost a single pound, I feel like I'm toning up and getting stronger. 

We still don't have a plan for infertility treatments.  We're at a stand still.  I think we'll start pursuing it again after the new year. 

I'll leave you now with a couple pics of my Skittle baby...

 Playing with corn starch and water...too bad she wouldn't touch it!

Sea World

Tough Stuff

My head is spinning right now.  My infertility feels like a plague.  It haunts and it hurts.  It makes me cry and makes me feel so alone.  And yet, I'm not alone. 

I had an "infertility class" at BAMC (Ok it's really SAMMC now but whatever) today and it left me feeling overwhelmed.  Yes, there was a big part of it that dealt with "what is infertility" but it was done well overall.  There were people there that had never had any infertility testing done and there were others, like me, who have done it all.  What I did learn is that my referral was accepted for a consultation but that no way guarantees me a spot in the IVF program.  It looks like that if I can get a consultation in January, I may be able to do IVF in August 2013.  Umm...In August of 2013, we'll be living in Augusta, Georgia.  Yes, I can come back to SA to do IVF here but it puts my husband in a very difficult spot due to his new job as a squadron commander.  It's certainly doable but we're just not sure if we should go this route now.  It just leaves my mind swimming.   It makes me feel like we don't have any direction or a plan anymore. 

BAMC has some serious rules to their program that I wasn't fully aware of before.  If I don't answer my phone when they call for the consult appt, I will be dropped from the program.  If I wouldn't have turned in all the paperwork from today's class, I would be dropped.  Over 40 years old?  They won't even look at you.  Single? They won't see you either.  Got a BMI over 30?  You're out.  Live overseas? NOPE.  Sure, they have some of the best stats in the nation for IVF with their live birth rate at 52% and a pregnancy rate of 56% but good luck getting in. 

Now, I have NEVER posted song lyrics on my blog...NEVER, but I have been hearing a song on Air1 and I googled the lyrics.  This song sings to my heart so I have to post.  It says everything that I wish I could say...

translated from English to English

Kutless Even If Lyrics

 

Translation in progress. Please wait...

Songwriters: WOOD, TONY / KRIPPAYNE, SCOTT

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/kutless/even+if_21003553.html ]
Lord we know your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come

Even If lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

 

End of Week 2

Skittle had her two year old check up this past week.  Her old pedi PCS'd (moved) and we were assigned a new one.  I'd give this new doc a 6/10 score.  I really liked her approach on Skittle's weight issues.  She's not concerned one bit that she didn't grow AT ALL again in 4 months.  She's hovering around 23 lbs and measures 33-34 inches, depending on who's doing the measurements.  She also, without hesitation, wrote her a referral to see an ophthalmologist for her lazy eye. We disagreed on all things vaccine though and wasn't so friendly when I didn't see the point of testing my child AGAIN for lead poisoning.  She was tested at a year old and didn't have it then and hasn't visited a house that was built before 1968 and yet she still has to be tested.  Apparently it's mandated in TX for children to be tested twice.  What I don't understand is why don't any of our buddies have to do it then!?!? I've talked to other TX mothers and their children have not been tested.  I don't get it. 

For the record, I had her tested again.  *sigh*  She was so brave!  She only cried when the needle was in her arm.  Such a trooper! 

As for me, YES I'm still on the endo diet (and yes I still hate it).  It's too early to tell if it's working to reduce my endo symptoms.  I'm not completely sure one of the issues I'm having is even endo related. 

Back in 2008/2009 I started noticing quite a bit of pain in my ovary area around the time that I ovulate.  It's sharp, intense, stabbing pain when I walk/sit/stand up/climb stairs/etc.  When I had a u/s around ovulation back then there was fluid around my ovaries.  All of that was remedied when I had my lap surgery.  The thing is though, that the pain has never gone away.  The last time I did IVF, I remember starting to get that pain on CD 6.  It corresponded with my ovary stimulating hormones and it turned out that I had a WHOLE lot of follicles growing in there.  When I'm not on meds I get the pain around CD9-11 and it can last for up to a week or as little as two days and stops completely when I've ovulated.  This month it was only two days. I know that as my follicles increase in size, so does the pain.

My infertility class is in a week. Yippy.  I still haven't made an appt with Dr. H and honestly, I'm not as sure anymore if I will.  I really feel like IVF is my only good shot at getting pregnant again.    Time will tell...