The Worst Week

Oh what a crappy week.  I'm allowed to say that aren't I? 

On Wednesday, May 15 I got the expected call from the SAAMC infertility clinic lab and got the report/status of my remaining eight embryos.  *sigh*  Not a single one continued to grow.  Not one.  I will not have any to freeze and try for an FET.  The news was devastating and made no sense to us since we've never had that problem before.

On Friday, May 17 everything in our household seemed fine.  Skittle and I had a play date in the morning, but when we got home just a little after noon, I noticed something was very wrong with our pup Lexi.  She couldn't walk.  She would manage to get up off the floor but within two steps she'd fall back down again.  At first I thought maybe it was her arthritis flaring and I got her two different types of doggie meds and forced them down her throat since she was refusing to eat or drink anything.  She seemed no better two hours later and that's when I decided to call the vet.  They were able to get us in quickly.  DH was able to get home in order to help me get her in the car.  We wrapped her in a blanket and got in her the back of my SUV.  That right there should tell you that something was definitely not right with her.  She didn't fight us at all at lifting her up like that. 

Once we got to the vet I noticed that her gums were very pale.  They were just like our other dog Indy's were when we found out he had cancer.  I had a very big feeling it wasn't her arthritis or her back like I originally thought.  The vet felt around in her stomach and said he had found a mass.  Now let me just explain that she had been to the vet 8 days prior for a teeth cleaning and NOTHING was found at that point.  They got her back for x-rays and an ultrasound.  A tumor was found in her abdomen which had caused her spleen to rupture causing a MASSIVE internal bleed.  She was in shock from losing so much blood and couldn't get up anymore.  For us, we just didn't think that surgery, with the odds at 50% that she'd even make it off the table and with her life expectancy of being 1-8 months IF she survived the surgery at all, would be fair to her.  We made the call to have her put down.  It was absolutely the most awful thing to go through but it was necessary to stop her suffering.  Skittle and DH were able to say goodbye to their sweet Lala (the nickname Skittle gave her when she was just a year old).  We've been telling Skittle that Lexi is now in Heaven with Indy but she likes to remind us that Lexi is with Jesus too.  It makes me cry every time.  Lexi was just about the sweetest, happiest dog around.  She was a lazy, ubber tolerant pup (as you can see from the pictures) but I thought she deserved to be that way since she retired from being a military working dog. I know she's suffering no more.

 

 

In more sad news, I've tested negative repeatedly on hpt's.  My official blood test is on Wednesday but I'm 100% confident I know the outcome.  After many tears, we've decided that we're done trying to have more children.  Sure, we'll try naturally for as long as I produce eggs but there will be no more medical intervention to conceive. 

 

This has been an unusually hard week for us with decisions and really lousy outcomes.  I know that God still hears our cries and sees our deepest pains and that we are not alone in these decisions...as tough as they are.  I covet your prayers more than ever right now as I try to move forward and make peace with only having one child. Adoption is not an option for us right now but once we find our forever location and home we will pursue it.  All in God's perfect timing...  



IVF#3 Transfer Day

Ahhh, on Friday May 10, I had my 7th embryo transfer.  It wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience ever as I had to have a full bladder and had a u/s tech push on my stomach for quite awhile to get just the right view of my uterus.  Normally, that's all the discomfort I would endure, but this time, after the transfer, I got to have my bladder drained so I could lie there more comfortably for the next half hour.  Yeah, that sucked.   

I am happy to report that we transferred (NOT IMPLANTED) two, eight celled beautiful babies.  They were given a grade of "A" which is the best out of all the ratings.  The other eight embryos were all rated "B" and had a range of between five and 10 cells.  I am waiting to hear from the lab to see if any of them made it to the blastocyst stage so that they can be frozen for later transfers.

My blood pregnancy test is next week.  For now, I'm waiting....always waiting...oh and getting ready to move across the country.  Can't forget that. 

IVF#3 Continued

Sunday May 5:  I don't know what CD it is anymore so I'll just put the date again.  My appt was OK.  My follicles have grown but not a ton.  I wasn't given a count this time, just my lining mm. 

Lining: 10.1mm
Left ovary: A lot
Right ovary: 5 follicles

My egg retrieval was scheduled for Tuesday and I had a quick pre-op with further instructions.  I have to do the 10,000 unit HCG "trigger" shot tonight.  Exactly 36 hours later, I'll have my egg retrieval.  I'm down to 75iu of Follistim and one shot of Ganirelix in the morning.  I get a shot free day tomorrow! 

Tuesday May 7: Ahhhh, today was my egg retrieval.  I was pretty nervous going into it but the staff at SAAMC are amazing!  They kept me calm and I learned that since I have Fibro, I tend to metabolize meds quicker so I was given more to help sedate me during the procedure.  Last IVF I could hear everything the doc said but I couldn't talk and they had to hold me down..it hurt, A LOT.  It was AWFUL.  I was really afraid of that happening again but it didn't.  Yes, I could talk to the doc the ENTIRE time but every time I said something hurt, they would push more meds in me.  I ended up with 18 eggs!!!  (So out of 21 follicles, I had 18 eggs...not bad!)  I'll get the fertilization report tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8: I got the call from my doc this morning.  Only 10 eggs were mature but all 10 fertilized normally.  I was hoping for more, but really, 10 is great.  Friday I go in for the transfer. 

I'm about to go shoot myself up with progesterone in olive oil.  I was originally going to just do progesterone in a vaginal suppository but I was given the option to try the olive oil instead of sesame oil and I'll see if I react the same way (hives, welts, itchiness) .  I'm also on steroids, an antibiotic, prenatal vitamins, and Friday I'll add Estrace to the mix.  Ahhh, I'm glad this is almost over! 

Thank you for all the prayers!  They have been felt!

IVF#3 CD: 6-9

April 30, CD6: I'm starting to feel my ovaries now.  I started stims  on CD 3 and I'm right on schedule for feeling some pain.  I'm interested to know what's going on in there...

May 1, CD7:  I had my u/s and bloodwork today.  Stats are as follows:

Lining: 8.4mm
Left ovary: 4 follicles between 6-8mm, 2 follicles around 13mm
Right ovary: 4 follicles between 6-8mm
Estrogen: 1000

The doc likes how things are progressing even though I'm not so sure.  My estrogen is a bit high as it should be around 800 not 1000.  My meds were cut from 150iu to 100iu of Follistim.  Where are all of my follicles!?!  The two 13mm are pretty dominate at this point and I was told to give myself a shot of Ganirelix to stop ovulation.  I was also told that I have many tiny follicles at this point and they are hoping they start growing for the chance to have more eggs. 

May 3, CD9: Another very early morning for bloodwork at 6:30 and u/s at 7.  Stats as follows:

Lining: 8.1mm
Left ovary: 2 follicles at 16mm, 15 follicles around 10mm
Right ovary: 4 follicles around 10-11mm
Estrogen: 2075

AHHHHHHH....no wonder my left ovary is bugging me!  Sheesshhh, I have 17 follicles in there!  Those tiny follicles have joined the party! My right ovary is "quiet" while my left and having a good old time with the medication.  It was pretty funny to see the docs face as she scanned my left side.  Her eyes got big and then she showed me the u/s screen.  All 17 were jammed in there and my ovary looked like a piece of swiss cheese!  She's happy with the progress and even said things look excellent-except for my estrogen level. It has doubled in two days.  My meds have been cut again because of it and now I will be taking 75iu of Follistim and 10 units of micro HCG (I even get to skip an HCG dose tonight).  Now we'll be focusing on the 10mm follicles and they are going to "discount" the two big ones.  At the time of retrieval, those two will be too large to fertilize.  

I know all the numbers don't mean much to most of you, but I like having a journal of what's going on for future reference-or for others that are or will be going through this too. 

My next appt will be on Sunday!  When have you ever heard about a military facility being open on a Sunday, let alone any civilian clinic!?  Hey, I'm impressed!