On Wednesday, May 15 I got the expected call from the SAAMC infertility clinic lab and got the report/status of my remaining eight embryos. *sigh* Not a single one continued to grow. Not one. I will not have any to freeze and try for an FET. The news was devastating and made no sense to us since we've never had that problem before.
On Friday, May 17 everything in our household seemed fine. Skittle and I had a play date in the morning, but when we got home just a little after noon, I noticed something was very wrong with our pup Lexi. She couldn't walk. She would manage to get up off the floor but within two steps she'd fall back down again. At first I thought maybe it was her arthritis flaring and I got her two different types of doggie meds and forced them down her throat since she was refusing to eat or drink anything. She seemed no better two hours later and that's when I decided to call the vet. They were able to get us in quickly. DH was able to get home in order to help me get her in the car. We wrapped her in a blanket and got in her the back of my SUV. That right there should tell you that something was definitely not right with her. She didn't fight us at all at lifting her up like that.
Once we got to the vet I noticed that her gums were very pale. They were just like our other dog Indy's were when we found out he had cancer. I had a very big feeling it wasn't her arthritis or her back like I originally thought. The vet felt around in her stomach and said he had found a mass. Now let me just explain that she had been to the vet 8 days prior for a teeth cleaning and NOTHING was found at that point. They got her back for x-rays and an ultrasound. A tumor was found in her abdomen which had caused her spleen to rupture causing a MASSIVE internal bleed. She was in shock from losing so much blood and couldn't get up anymore. For us, we just didn't think that surgery, with the odds at 50% that she'd even make it off the table and with her life expectancy of being 1-8 months IF she survived the surgery at all, would be fair to her. We made the call to have her put down. It was absolutely the most awful thing to go through but it was necessary to stop her suffering. Skittle and DH were able to say goodbye to their sweet Lala (the nickname Skittle gave her when she was just a year old). We've been telling Skittle that Lexi is now in Heaven with Indy but she likes to remind us that Lexi is with Jesus too. It makes me cry every time. Lexi was just about the sweetest, happiest dog around. She was a lazy, ubber tolerant pup (as you can see from the pictures) but I thought she deserved to be that way since she retired from being a military working dog. I know she's suffering no more.
In more sad news, I've tested negative repeatedly on hpt's. My official blood test is on Wednesday but I'm 100% confident I know the outcome. After many tears, we've decided that we're done trying to have more children. Sure, we'll try naturally for as long as I produce eggs but there will be no more medical intervention to conceive.
This has been an unusually hard week for us with decisions and really lousy outcomes. I know that God still hears our cries and sees our deepest pains and that we are not alone in these decisions...as tough as they are. I covet your prayers more than ever right now as I try to move forward and make peace with only having one child. Adoption is not an option for us right now but once we find our forever location and home we will pursue it. All in God's perfect timing...
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