As of today, I am needle free! Too bad I’m not pain free too. I wish I could explain the pain. It started on Wednesday evening but really started to get bad by Friday afternoon. I was given the OK to do my trigger shot (HCG injection) last night so I thought the pain would lessen. It hasn’t. I get stabbing pain when I walk, sit or stand quickly. When I sneeze I feel like my ovaries might fall out. Here are my three possible explanations for this. 1.) I have gallons of free fluid floating around in my abdomen. 2.) My many follicles are smashed together and have no where to go so they are pushing against my organs. 3.) I have bunches of follicles that are smashed together and gallons of free fluid floating around.
At my last u/s for this cycle, the tech said I have two decent sized follicles (around 15-16mm) on my left side and 2 decent follicles on my right (with 4-6 smallish ones on the left too). Personally, I think they are still too small. My doctor said that we could still proceed with the cycle only if I knew the risks of having a multiple pregnancy. Sure, I do but seriously, what are the chances of that, really…Want some statistics? I only have a 5-10% chance of conceiving naturally. What that really means is that I have a 90-95% chance of NOT conceiving on any given cycle. That sounds just plain awful. By doing the meds that I am, my chances go up to 20% to have a baby. Of that 20%, I have an 11% of having a singleton, 6% of having twins and a 3% chance of having triplets or more. On my IVF cycle I was given a 60% chance of conceiving a singleton. And seeing as how that didn’t work, I don’t see it working this time either. While I’m not meaning to be negative, I just can’t help it at this point. One thing I can be happy about is my lining. It was at a solid 11mm on Friday. That’s the second best lining I’ve ever had.
I should ovulate this weekend and then I enter the dreaded two week wait (2ww). Let the baby making begin!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Too many needles, part 2!
When I was the in the first grade I was having an unusual amount of headaches. My mom decided it was time to take me to the doctor to have it checked out. I remember the doctor breaking the news and telling me I needed some blood work done. I balled my little eyes out. I had to calm myself down in the bathroom before going back in the exam room to get my blood drawn. Later that night my family went to church where I held my arm the entire time (even though I was past the pain) showing everyone my needle mark when they asked what was wrong. Anticipation and fear of needles started early with me. I still get nervous when I know a needle is coming.
Today’s doc appointment wasn't good. On Monday I was told to double my medication, which really made no sense to me because of the amount of follies I have. I did what I was told and had another u/s this morning. I still have too many follies but they aren’t growing all that quickly. The doctor is expecting one to take the lead soon, which then at that point the others will stop growing. None are over 12mm but my lining is up to 6.5mm, which is getting better. Then came the dreaded blood work…
My left arm’s inner vein gets the brunt of poking when it comes to blood draws. The last two times are not the exception. I walked into the lab and showed the nurse my arm and she agreed we couldn’t use that vein this time. (I’ve got a pretty green-and big- bruise on the “favorite” vein.) She stuck me in a vein to the left and no blood came out. NONE…not even a drop. The nurse dug around for a minute and gave up. She did the same thing in my right arm. (Poke, dug, gave up) Again, not a drop of blood came out. How is that even possible!? Then I got the bad news. She had to stick me in my left hand. I’ve had some seriously bad experiences with needles in my hand and I was NOT happy about it. It worked but not without bruising and pain. I’ve had 14 needle sticks in the past 7 days. For someone who isn’t diabetic or doing IVF or IUI’s this is just insane. From my first ever blood draw until now, who would have thought I’d volunteer for this many shots, blood draws and IV’s... and all for the sake of having biological children. I’m not sure I can last much longer.
Today’s doc appointment wasn't good. On Monday I was told to double my medication, which really made no sense to me because of the amount of follies I have. I did what I was told and had another u/s this morning. I still have too many follies but they aren’t growing all that quickly. The doctor is expecting one to take the lead soon, which then at that point the others will stop growing. None are over 12mm but my lining is up to 6.5mm, which is getting better. Then came the dreaded blood work…
My left arm’s inner vein gets the brunt of poking when it comes to blood draws. The last two times are not the exception. I walked into the lab and showed the nurse my arm and she agreed we couldn’t use that vein this time. (I’ve got a pretty green-and big- bruise on the “favorite” vein.) She stuck me in a vein to the left and no blood came out. NONE…not even a drop. The nurse dug around for a minute and gave up. She did the same thing in my right arm. (Poke, dug, gave up) Again, not a drop of blood came out. How is that even possible!? Then I got the bad news. She had to stick me in my left hand. I’ve had some seriously bad experiences with needles in my hand and I was NOT happy about it. It worked but not without bruising and pain. I’ve had 14 needle sticks in the past 7 days. For someone who isn’t diabetic or doing IVF or IUI’s this is just insane. From my first ever blood draw until now, who would have thought I’d volunteer for this many shots, blood draws and IV’s... and all for the sake of having biological children. I’m not sure I can last much longer.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Too many needles!
I have an arsenal of needles. I really do. I was organizing my fertility meds box (and the fact that I have a box, which is oh, about a foot and a half high by a foot and a half wide, that actually needs organizing is just nuts) and I saw that I have more needles and syringes than any one person needs. I think I have every size and gauge available. Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, 22 and 18 gauge. Too bad I can’t sell them for a profit to pay for all the meds I’m on.
I had my first u/s for this cycle last week. Once again I have fluid in my belly. Where does this stuff come from and what the heck is it? My doctor no longer seems concerned about it so as long as it doesn’t get painful, I won’t worry about it either. I started the Menopur the same night and since it has been about a year since I’ve used the stuff, it took exceptionally long to mix and inject. We learned the hard way that you shouldn’t suck up the liquid with the same needle that you get stuck with. It hurts, a lot. We’ve since remedied the situation and while it still isn’t a pleasant experience (and it probably never will) to get a shot in the stomach, I can handle it…and so can dh.
Today was my CD8 u/s. The fact that the tech had to ask if I was doing IVF this cycle scared me a bit. I have too many follicles already. Granted, I’m being a bit of a renegade and doing things MY way this time around but I don’t think it caused me to have 10 follicles all around the 10mm mark. I’m only doing 75iu of Menopur a day! Someone doing IVF would be on a lot more iu and could have the same 10 follicles. Alright, so we’ve established that my ovaries responds well to stimulation and I’m a good candidate for IVF but that doesn’t mean I want to do it again anytime soon!
So far my lining is only at 5.5mm. It has a ways to go before being suitable for implantation. I’m now waiting on a call from my nurse. Always waiting…One thing I’m definitely learning is how to be patient. Was that God’s intention or just an effect of infertility? We may never know.
I had my first u/s for this cycle last week. Once again I have fluid in my belly. Where does this stuff come from and what the heck is it? My doctor no longer seems concerned about it so as long as it doesn’t get painful, I won’t worry about it either. I started the Menopur the same night and since it has been about a year since I’ve used the stuff, it took exceptionally long to mix and inject. We learned the hard way that you shouldn’t suck up the liquid with the same needle that you get stuck with. It hurts, a lot. We’ve since remedied the situation and while it still isn’t a pleasant experience (and it probably never will) to get a shot in the stomach, I can handle it…and so can dh.
Today was my CD8 u/s. The fact that the tech had to ask if I was doing IVF this cycle scared me a bit. I have too many follicles already. Granted, I’m being a bit of a renegade and doing things MY way this time around but I don’t think it caused me to have 10 follicles all around the 10mm mark. I’m only doing 75iu of Menopur a day! Someone doing IVF would be on a lot more iu and could have the same 10 follicles. Alright, so we’ve established that my ovaries responds well to stimulation and I’m a good candidate for IVF but that doesn’t mean I want to do it again anytime soon!
So far my lining is only at 5.5mm. It has a ways to go before being suitable for implantation. I’m now waiting on a call from my nurse. Always waiting…One thing I’m definitely learning is how to be patient. Was that God’s intention or just an effect of infertility? We may never know.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Update:
OK, so it's been painfully long since I last wrote on this thing. I'm not even sure why I decided to write again. To actually think that I would be pregnant and on the way to motherhood because of the FET was a joke. Here are the highlights from the past two months:
I finally got to go through with the FET on Dec 16, which happened to be the most perfect day to have it done. I was off work for 3 weeks (plenty of time to rest and let my body create life!) and my ovaries finally decided to shape up (fluid free!) I did a week of PIO (Progesterone in Oil) in my tush before the actual procedure. The needle for that med was INSANE! My bum is still bruised and that was 2 months ago! Poor dh...he squirmed every time he had to watch that needle disappear inside me. I guess I'm glad I never saw it coming even though I couldn't help but jump every single time! I took a hpt in Texas on Christmas eve. It was POSITIVE!!! I took another one on Christmas Day and it was still positive but sadly less so. I knew something wasn't right at that point. The next day I took one more and it was no longer positive. I had a beta blood test that next Monday and it was negative. Crushed. Devastated.
I know that people were praying for a successful outcome. The disappointment is still there but I know that God heard those prayers and answered them in a far different way that I was expecting. I feel at ease, a weird calm even. I'm not stressed about not having children. Although, I did come to a sad realization that I had never pictured our family without children until recently. I was thinking of dh's retirement and where I saw us living...I had to preempt the thought with, "If we have children..." and couldn't automatically assume we would have any by that time (only 7 1/2 more years until retirement...but who's counting?).
Dh and I decided to keep doing fertility meds but no IUI's or IVF until after we move. (NO we still don't know where we are going...in five months.) We're going back to the way baby making is supposed to be! (With the help of Menopur of course.) I should start injections again in 2 days and can't wait to have all those vag ultrasounds and blood work done...wahoo. I know that in the end it will be all worth the pain and discomfort to hold a baby in my arms. One day at a time, one prayer at a time.
I finally got to go through with the FET on Dec 16, which happened to be the most perfect day to have it done. I was off work for 3 weeks (plenty of time to rest and let my body create life!) and my ovaries finally decided to shape up (fluid free!) I did a week of PIO (Progesterone in Oil) in my tush before the actual procedure. The needle for that med was INSANE! My bum is still bruised and that was 2 months ago! Poor dh...he squirmed every time he had to watch that needle disappear inside me. I guess I'm glad I never saw it coming even though I couldn't help but jump every single time! I took a hpt in Texas on Christmas eve. It was POSITIVE!!! I took another one on Christmas Day and it was still positive but sadly less so. I knew something wasn't right at that point. The next day I took one more and it was no longer positive. I had a beta blood test that next Monday and it was negative. Crushed. Devastated.
I know that people were praying for a successful outcome. The disappointment is still there but I know that God heard those prayers and answered them in a far different way that I was expecting. I feel at ease, a weird calm even. I'm not stressed about not having children. Although, I did come to a sad realization that I had never pictured our family without children until recently. I was thinking of dh's retirement and where I saw us living...I had to preempt the thought with, "If we have children..." and couldn't automatically assume we would have any by that time (only 7 1/2 more years until retirement...but who's counting?).
Dh and I decided to keep doing fertility meds but no IUI's or IVF until after we move. (NO we still don't know where we are going...in five months.) We're going back to the way baby making is supposed to be! (With the help of Menopur of course.) I should start injections again in 2 days and can't wait to have all those vag ultrasounds and blood work done...wahoo. I know that in the end it will be all worth the pain and discomfort to hold a baby in my arms. One day at a time, one prayer at a time.
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