I have a lot of thoughts tonight but I can’t seem to get them all out the way I want to. I guess I’ll try anyway.

My fertility prayers have changed some. Yes, I’m still asking God to give us a child-or that He would change my desires for children- but my heart has been one of thanksgiving. Yes, I have infertility problems and they can cause pain both physically and mentally but I have been so richly blessed in other ways. I do not want to lose sight of that. I have both of my arms and legs, I have my sight and I can hear. We are sitting comfortably with a nice house and nice things. I know people can live a full and happy life without each of those, but I should be praising God for the things I *do* have and not dwell so much on the things (uh, children) that I don’t. It’s a struggle but one I’m working through. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s easy to see people with babies or coach the kids at work. It’s hard. In one class that I teach, four of the five mothers are pregnant. The conversation inevitably goes to babies and their pregnancy symptoms and 9 times out of 10, I get asked if I have children or if I want children. (The kids I work with also ask me those types of things.) Sometimes I can respond easily, other times, it’s all I can do to fight back the tears. Sometimes I’ll say, “Oh, we’ve only been married three years…” Other times, “I hope we can have some in the future.” I know people are just trying to make conversation, or at least trying to make me a PART of the conversation, but I’d rather they didn’t ask anything at all. I certainly don’t want to go around wearing a t-shirt saying, “INFERTILITY SUCKS” but I really, REALLY hate all the questions. It’s a part of life (especially when I’m a part of the military) I get that, but it still stings even after the billionth time I get asked.

I went in for my CD8 u/s and my lining was already between 9-10mm! I also had several follicles around 13-14mm. Remember my last inject cycle? I started out at a 5.5mm on the same CD and had a bunch of 10mm follies. Not the case this time! They had me come back in on CD10 (just two days later!) and my lining was a 13 (the best I’ve ever had!) and I had one follicle at 16mm and another one at 22mm! They were perfectly shaped and perfectly positioned. I got to trigger that night which released both follies. My nurse called me and told me to go ahead and start vaginal progesterone suppositories this time because things looked so promising. Let me just say a word about this type of progesterone. It sucks. I guess from Dh’s view point he isn’t having to shoot me in the bum with an IM needle with thick oil…but I leak. Oh boy do I. It’s SICK. A second negative to being on progesterone is that I *have* to take a pregnancy test in order to stop it. If the pg test is negative, I stop the progesterone and I should get AF 2-3 days later. If I get a positive, I stay on it for 10 more weeks. Yes, weeks. A third negative is that progesterone mimics pregnancy symptoms. I get sore boobs, my temps stay elevated, and I get moody. Of course being on progesterone is worth it but still so very disgusting.

Eight days until I test…