Changes

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog! I guess not having a computer will cause that though.

So finding a church in a new town isn’t much fun. Actually, I don’t enjoy it at all. I’m a bit on the anti-social side and don’t much care for small talk and church searching has an uncanny way of making me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, for the past two weeks, we’ve been to Calvary Chapel, a non-denomination church. 1500 people with four weekend services is a bit different than what we’re used to as when we lived in Kansas, the church we attended only had 125 people and one service. It’s not bad, it’s just different. Last week as we were beginning to get into the message, Pastor Pat started by asking us, “What is your passion?” Now, as a person who’s gone to church all of my life, that’s not an unusual question and something I’ve been asked a lot. For once I was truthful, so in my mind I thought, “My passion lately has been about starting a family and wanting to raise up Godly children for the Lord.” As I was finishing my thought, the pastor said, “I see a lot of young couples out there who are probably ready and want to start a family. You probably want to raise up Godly kids in a Godly home and teach them the way of Christ.” Whoa…did he just say that?? Was the guy reading my mind?? He then went on, “While that’s all well and good, your passion needs to be Christ and Him alone.” SMACK. God gave me a good spanking that day and it was exactly what I needed. Look, I know the “right” things to say when it comes to church/God but I don’t think I’ve been honest with myself for quite a while. I’ve known since I was five who and what my passion should be and I would even think the “right” answer if a pastor asked “What is your passion?” But for a while now, I deceived myself into thinking that because I truly do want Godly, Christ serving children that it would be OK that Christ himself wasn’t number one. I was dead wrong. While it’s almost impossible for me to not to think about having kids (like, when I was in the grocery store the other day and I saw twin girls helping their mom, I got all choked up thinking that I may never have that) I’m pretty content right now. Maybe it’s the break from meds? Maybe it’s the prayers? Whatever is it, I firmly believe that God is in the middle of this and His timing is perfect. Now, I’m not perfect and I get angry about it (A LOT) but I finally see my focus changing. I’ve settled into a routine at home with a renewed prayer life and quiet time. God and I are getting to know each other again.

I don’t plan on working, at least not for a while. I think it’s good that most old people are retired when their body starts failing them. I don’t see how anyone can work with so many doctor appointments all the time. Seriously! On Monday I have my first official appt with my PCM. My goal is to get three referrals out of her. I hope I get one for a nephrologist (kidney guy), one for an RE, and one for a rheumatologist. Oh, and I want (well, not really want, more like need) to get my wisdom teeth pulled soon too (I was told to do it 8 years ago, and every other time I see a dentist). So you see, working just really complicates things. :)

Hopefully, I’ll update again soon.