Three days...

I’m trying to think of a nice way to say some things on my mind right now. As the famous quote says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Well, I still want to say it. If my blog is too personal for you to handle, DON’T READ IT. It’s simple really. I’m not afraid to talk about what my body is doing and I’m not afraid to say how I’m feeling. If it bothers you, again I say, DON’T READ IT. It’s the truth and I’m not hiding anything anymore. I posted it on Facebook (with a pretty truthful disclaimer if I might say so myself) for the fact that I want people aware of what dealing with infertility is really like. It’s not pretty or glamorous and it’s not fun (and yes Uncle Chris, it’s kind of scary). I’m not going to pretend that the mother and father in the waiting room at the RE’s office today didn’t bother me. The fact that they had twins with them and were expecting triplets and were announcing it to the whole world DID bother me. I wanted to say, “Do you realize that the rest of us in the waiting room DON’T have beautiful children we can hold or gush about? My babies are in Heaven…” I had to fight back tears.

I’ve had two pre-op appts this week and I have pretty mixed emotions about the surgery coming up in three days. I’m having three procedures during the one surgery. WARNING: If you haven’t stopped reading this and you are one of the people that I was talking about above, you may want to stop reading now. I’m having a laparoscopy (scope through a small incision just below my belly button) to look at the outside of my uterus, tubes, bladder, and intestines. Then I’m going to have a hysteroscopy, where the scope goes inside my uterus and the doc will remove anything unusual he sees and do a biopsy. THEN I’m having a D&C. Yes, it’s the same thing I had when I had a miscarriage. Why the D&C? I don’t know. I guess it’s to completely clean me out. Since my last one, I haven’t been able to get pg so I’m a bit concerned about that. I can’t decide if I’m nervous or not yet. Maybe I will be when the day comes.

God is good and His will WILL be done.