IVF#4??

I can't believe it's been since September since I last updated my blog.  So much has been going on around here that I haven't had much chance (and honestly, I just didn't feel like it) to update it.  We have made another big decision though.  We've decided to go ahead and try IVF again.  I know what you're thinking...I said we were DONE.  Well, I guess we weren't.  I'm not sure yet if I want to continue posting my blog on FB or not.  I don't want the judgment from doing another IVF, but for the most part I do feel the love and have been supported throughout this journey.  Will you pray for us? 

The doors have been opened for us to do IVF in January.  I refuse to be stressed out about any of it this time, even though I will be doing it in San Antonio when we live in GA.  The clinic there has been nothing but helpful and encouraging- the complete opposite of Arizona.  It's actually been a nice change. 

I knew I'd have to do more blood work (infectious disease panel has to be done every 6 months as well as my Prolactin and AMH).  I wasn't counting on having to do another cavity clearance, however.  Apparently, SAAMC wants it done once a year and since my last one was in January of 2013, I'm due.  *sigh*  I go in on Monday Nov. 18 for an SIS (saline infusion sonogram).  I think it's my forth, no, maybe this will be my fifth SIS.  I've had good ones and I've had very bad ones.  Pray that this one will be a good one. 

My Skittle baby is doing great!  I'm happy to report that she's finally potty trained.  During the day and partly during the night that is.  She sometimes will still take a nap (usually in the car) and is going strong in gymnastics.  Here are a couple recent pictures. 

      

It's so strange...the way I feel sometimes about my infertility.  I don't want people to feel like they have to hide a pregnancy or keep news of their pregnancy from me.  Sure, I might still go cry in a corner for a while but I really hope all of you out there know that I want to know and want to rejoice with you when you find out you're expecting.  Most days I really have made peace about just (and I say "just" lightly here) having one child. Other days, kind of like today, are hard. 

My married life has been about the military...and that for ME consists of moving every couple of years, settling and making a home, and meeting new people.  Inevitably, meeting new people comes with a barrage of personal (albeit mostly friendly) questions.  Back many years ago, I made a vow to myself that I would NEVER ask if a married couple had or wanted children.  The only exception to my rule was if they asked me first.  I know I've blogged about my responses when we were childless but now that Skittle is at that age when other couples feel the desire to add to their own families, they also feel the need to ask me questions like, "Do you want more children? or Are you going to have more children?" which I get asked multiple times a week.  My responses have ranged from "We'll see" to "Nope, we're done."  My most recent one was "If we could, we would."  I kind of like that one best because it's the most truthful. I totally get that those kind of questions happen as I am just at that age, and so is Skittle, but they still sting a bit.   

With that said, I have an appt with my 6th RE on Oct. 7.  My plan is that I want to have one just in case we decide to move forward again with treatment.  SAAMC is also still on the table though that's not the easiest way to go. 

Never take life for granted.

And...She's THREE!

My baby is THREE!!!  Here's a little of what she's been up to.

Favorites:

Book: Pete the Cat
TV Show: Thomas & Friends or Pingu
Color: Blue
Shape: Triangle
Activity: Playing "blocks", playing with her Thomas trains, or riding her new scooter
Music: David Garrett
Game: "Jump over game" -A game we invented on the trampoline.  She jumps over a pool noodle that I make higher and higher until she can't jump over any longer. 
Favorite Food: Veggie Straws
New Foods Tried and Liked: multi-vitamins; croissants; peanut butter crackers (uh, yeah, she refused to eat them up until now); strawberry smoothies

She can hop on her right foot very well but is still working on her left.  She knows her right from her left with scary accuracy.  (I didn't realize three year olds could do that!)  She LOVES to talk and play with her daddy.  She's in preschool (K-3) twice a week and does gymnastics once a week.  She's still napping once or twice a week too. 

For her birthday I took her to the zoo where she got a free carousel and train ride.  We also had a little Thomas & Friends birthday party over Labor Day Weekend.  Friends from VA came as well as lots of family from TX!  I didn't take a single picture of her birthday party so I'm waiting until my sister emails me some...I know most of you saw these over the weekend but I wanted to share in case you missed it!  I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My First Georgia Post!

Hello from Georgia!  I haven't written in a while so I thought I'd take some time to update everyone.  We're still adjusting to life here.  The move has been a particularly hard one, for more reasons than one, but I think in due time, we'll figure things out. 

I LOVE our home here, which was chosen based on the commute time for DH.  I do feel like all I do is drive though as it takes us approx. 25-30 mins to get to anywhere from our home. Anywhere being the mall, food other than McDonald's and Subway, the best grocery store in town (Earth Fare), a church we tried and liked, our doctors on post, Skittle's preschool, gymnastics class etc.  I'm not sure if we would have stayed in this neighborhood or not had we come out and checked out the town before we moved. 

Skittle has had some big changes to deal with since moving here.  She's pretty much potty trained (well, pee trained) during the day, sleeps in a "big girl bed" and has almost completely given up napping...almost.  We're trying to work through some pretty big fears right now too.  Since she was about 6 months old, going to the doctor, according to her, was downright frightening.  Getting her to cooperate was and is extremely difficult at the doctors office.  The instant she would see the weigh in room, she would cry and scream until we left.  We had to do a school screening over the weekend and let me tell you, this child has some deep seeded fear of going to the doctor. No matter how much we talked about it beforehand, there was absolutely NOTHING we could do or say to get her to stand on the scale, measure how tall she was, do an eye sight test, or do a hearing test.  She's always been a child that needs time to warm up to people who will be touching her or asking her to do things she does not want to do.  We have learned that if she says she won't do something, she won't.  I even bribed my child with offering her anything she wanted, including getting her a pony if she would just put those dang headphones on for her hearing test.  After 20 minutes of blood curdling screams, she "failed" the test.  (uh, really she failed to PREFORM the test, but whatever).  Anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?  Is it something she will outgrow?  I will add that she also had to get a booster shot and that part was easy.  She climbed right up on the table, laid down, and they administered the vaccine.  Go figure. 

She also has a HUGE fear of public restrooms and getting a hair cut...maybe I'll save those for another blog post. 

I really don't have many pictures yet of our life here in GA.  I will say that I do have a new hobby of selling and buying on eBay.  Here's a picture of part of one weeks shipments. (If anyone is interested in any cloth diapers, I'm selling some of our stash on eBay right now.)

And of Skittle doing a handstand against the couch. 

And two of her about to sleep in her big bed. She's generally a very good "night time" sleeper (sleeping up to 15 straight hours at a time) but this week has been tough.  Last night was the first in several days that she got a great nights sleep.  It definitely shows in her attitude and behavior when she's gotten enough rest!

The Worst Week

Oh what a crappy week.  I'm allowed to say that aren't I? 

On Wednesday, May 15 I got the expected call from the SAAMC infertility clinic lab and got the report/status of my remaining eight embryos.  *sigh*  Not a single one continued to grow.  Not one.  I will not have any to freeze and try for an FET.  The news was devastating and made no sense to us since we've never had that problem before.

On Friday, May 17 everything in our household seemed fine.  Skittle and I had a play date in the morning, but when we got home just a little after noon, I noticed something was very wrong with our pup Lexi.  She couldn't walk.  She would manage to get up off the floor but within two steps she'd fall back down again.  At first I thought maybe it was her arthritis flaring and I got her two different types of doggie meds and forced them down her throat since she was refusing to eat or drink anything.  She seemed no better two hours later and that's when I decided to call the vet.  They were able to get us in quickly.  DH was able to get home in order to help me get her in the car.  We wrapped her in a blanket and got in her the back of my SUV.  That right there should tell you that something was definitely not right with her.  She didn't fight us at all at lifting her up like that. 

Once we got to the vet I noticed that her gums were very pale.  They were just like our other dog Indy's were when we found out he had cancer.  I had a very big feeling it wasn't her arthritis or her back like I originally thought.  The vet felt around in her stomach and said he had found a mass.  Now let me just explain that she had been to the vet 8 days prior for a teeth cleaning and NOTHING was found at that point.  They got her back for x-rays and an ultrasound.  A tumor was found in her abdomen which had caused her spleen to rupture causing a MASSIVE internal bleed.  She was in shock from losing so much blood and couldn't get up anymore.  For us, we just didn't think that surgery, with the odds at 50% that she'd even make it off the table and with her life expectancy of being 1-8 months IF she survived the surgery at all, would be fair to her.  We made the call to have her put down.  It was absolutely the most awful thing to go through but it was necessary to stop her suffering.  Skittle and DH were able to say goodbye to their sweet Lala (the nickname Skittle gave her when she was just a year old).  We've been telling Skittle that Lexi is now in Heaven with Indy but she likes to remind us that Lexi is with Jesus too.  It makes me cry every time.  Lexi was just about the sweetest, happiest dog around.  She was a lazy, ubber tolerant pup (as you can see from the pictures) but I thought she deserved to be that way since she retired from being a military working dog. I know she's suffering no more.

 

 

In more sad news, I've tested negative repeatedly on hpt's.  My official blood test is on Wednesday but I'm 100% confident I know the outcome.  After many tears, we've decided that we're done trying to have more children.  Sure, we'll try naturally for as long as I produce eggs but there will be no more medical intervention to conceive. 

 

This has been an unusually hard week for us with decisions and really lousy outcomes.  I know that God still hears our cries and sees our deepest pains and that we are not alone in these decisions...as tough as they are.  I covet your prayers more than ever right now as I try to move forward and make peace with only having one child. Adoption is not an option for us right now but once we find our forever location and home we will pursue it.  All in God's perfect timing...  



IVF#3 Transfer Day

Ahhh, on Friday May 10, I had my 7th embryo transfer.  It wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience ever as I had to have a full bladder and had a u/s tech push on my stomach for quite awhile to get just the right view of my uterus.  Normally, that's all the discomfort I would endure, but this time, after the transfer, I got to have my bladder drained so I could lie there more comfortably for the next half hour.  Yeah, that sucked.   

I am happy to report that we transferred (NOT IMPLANTED) two, eight celled beautiful babies.  They were given a grade of "A" which is the best out of all the ratings.  The other eight embryos were all rated "B" and had a range of between five and 10 cells.  I am waiting to hear from the lab to see if any of them made it to the blastocyst stage so that they can be frozen for later transfers.

My blood pregnancy test is next week.  For now, I'm waiting....always waiting...oh and getting ready to move across the country.  Can't forget that. 

IVF#3 Continued

Sunday May 5:  I don't know what CD it is anymore so I'll just put the date again.  My appt was OK.  My follicles have grown but not a ton.  I wasn't given a count this time, just my lining mm. 

Lining: 10.1mm
Left ovary: A lot
Right ovary: 5 follicles

My egg retrieval was scheduled for Tuesday and I had a quick pre-op with further instructions.  I have to do the 10,000 unit HCG "trigger" shot tonight.  Exactly 36 hours later, I'll have my egg retrieval.  I'm down to 75iu of Follistim and one shot of Ganirelix in the morning.  I get a shot free day tomorrow! 

Tuesday May 7: Ahhhh, today was my egg retrieval.  I was pretty nervous going into it but the staff at SAAMC are amazing!  They kept me calm and I learned that since I have Fibro, I tend to metabolize meds quicker so I was given more to help sedate me during the procedure.  Last IVF I could hear everything the doc said but I couldn't talk and they had to hold me down..it hurt, A LOT.  It was AWFUL.  I was really afraid of that happening again but it didn't.  Yes, I could talk to the doc the ENTIRE time but every time I said something hurt, they would push more meds in me.  I ended up with 18 eggs!!!  (So out of 21 follicles, I had 18 eggs...not bad!)  I'll get the fertilization report tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8: I got the call from my doc this morning.  Only 10 eggs were mature but all 10 fertilized normally.  I was hoping for more, but really, 10 is great.  Friday I go in for the transfer. 

I'm about to go shoot myself up with progesterone in olive oil.  I was originally going to just do progesterone in a vaginal suppository but I was given the option to try the olive oil instead of sesame oil and I'll see if I react the same way (hives, welts, itchiness) .  I'm also on steroids, an antibiotic, prenatal vitamins, and Friday I'll add Estrace to the mix.  Ahhh, I'm glad this is almost over! 

Thank you for all the prayers!  They have been felt!

IVF#3 CD: 6-9

April 30, CD6: I'm starting to feel my ovaries now.  I started stims  on CD 3 and I'm right on schedule for feeling some pain.  I'm interested to know what's going on in there...

May 1, CD7:  I had my u/s and bloodwork today.  Stats are as follows:

Lining: 8.4mm
Left ovary: 4 follicles between 6-8mm, 2 follicles around 13mm
Right ovary: 4 follicles between 6-8mm
Estrogen: 1000

The doc likes how things are progressing even though I'm not so sure.  My estrogen is a bit high as it should be around 800 not 1000.  My meds were cut from 150iu to 100iu of Follistim.  Where are all of my follicles!?!  The two 13mm are pretty dominate at this point and I was told to give myself a shot of Ganirelix to stop ovulation.  I was also told that I have many tiny follicles at this point and they are hoping they start growing for the chance to have more eggs. 

May 3, CD9: Another very early morning for bloodwork at 6:30 and u/s at 7.  Stats as follows:

Lining: 8.1mm
Left ovary: 2 follicles at 16mm, 15 follicles around 10mm
Right ovary: 4 follicles around 10-11mm
Estrogen: 2075

AHHHHHHH....no wonder my left ovary is bugging me!  Sheesshhh, I have 17 follicles in there!  Those tiny follicles have joined the party! My right ovary is "quiet" while my left and having a good old time with the medication.  It was pretty funny to see the docs face as she scanned my left side.  Her eyes got big and then she showed me the u/s screen.  All 17 were jammed in there and my ovary looked like a piece of swiss cheese!  She's happy with the progress and even said things look excellent-except for my estrogen level. It has doubled in two days.  My meds have been cut again because of it and now I will be taking 75iu of Follistim and 10 units of micro HCG (I even get to skip an HCG dose tonight).  Now we'll be focusing on the 10mm follicles and they are going to "discount" the two big ones.  At the time of retrieval, those two will be too large to fertilize.  

I know all the numbers don't mean much to most of you, but I like having a journal of what's going on for future reference-or for others that are or will be going through this too. 

My next appt will be on Sunday!  When have you ever heard about a military facility being open on a Sunday, let alone any civilian clinic!?  Hey, I'm impressed! 

IVF#3 Baseline/Med Class

April 24:  What a day.  I had FOUR IVF appts today.  I had to wake up at 5am in order to get to my first appt at 6:15.  When I don't get enough sleep and get a Fibro "flare" I either wake up with a rocking headache or I get diarrhea and cramping.  Today I got the later.  Unfortunately, because I'm not taking my Fibro meds anymore, I wake up with diarrhea and other Fibro issues pretty frequently.  I know, just what you all wanted to know.   I made it to my first appt a bit early and since I wasn't quite sure where to go, it worked out well.  I picked up my two very full bags of medicine and headed to the lab.  I got a couple vials drawn and went back downstairs to wait for my baseline u/s or what I like to refer to as the cattle call.  On any given day, there could be up to 50 women waiting to get an ultrasound.  It's first come, first serve.  Today I was the second one on the list so I was in and out very quickly. 

Report from today's u/s:

Lining: 2.5 mm
Left follicle count: 7
Right follicle count: 6

Let me just point something out.  Back 5 years ago when I did my first IVF, I had close to 30 follicles on my baseline u/s.  My second IVF I had around 20.  Today, 13.  Even though I'm only 29 years old, my age is already playing a very large role in my fertility.  I was a bit disappointed with 13 as there is no potential for any more than that this round. 

My last appt was at 1:30 and it was called a medication class.  I forced (and yes, forced is the correct term here) DH to go with me as I thought we could both learn something.  Let me first say that I'm not happy with my meds at all.  My protocol this time around is pretty much the same as the my first IVF-the one that didn't work.  There are a couple different ways to do IVF and I'm doing the less traditional one.  There were four women total for the class, and all four of us are doing pretty much the same thing (dosages were different and a couple random different meds but really the same).   The class ended up being over three hours long.  We did get to practice giving the injections (uh, I think I've had close to 500 injections from DH over the past five years) so there wasn't much for us to learn there but it was kind of funny listening and watching the other couples try it for the first time.  I kind of wish we would have had this kind of training before the first time we did IVF though. 

I'll be on two new types of meds (for me).  They are Follistim and a micro dose of HCG.  I have no idea how my body will respond to these meds.  I don't get why I couldn't just do what worked for me last time.  I start both those injections on Saturday and continue until Wednesday when my doc will adjust the dosages.  I will give myself one in the morning and one 12 hours later.  Follistim does come in pen form and a much smaller needle than Menopur. 

I do have to add this in too.  Both DH and I got a good chuckle in when the IVF coordinator said that we should be under no stress and have no other meetings or appts other than IVF for the next three weeks.  Monday is the start of the work conference for both of us.  I really am trying to laugh it off and not worry about what's to come.  I have to keep thinking and even saying out loud, "I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." 

New House

I have no idea what CD I'm on anymore and as soon as I stop BCP's I'll probably start over again so I'm going to quit with the CD talk and stick with the date.

April 10: We have a house in Georgia!  YAY!  We aren't going to be homeless!  We decided to rent site unseen because we don't feel like we're going to have any time or even a free weekend to go out there and look at the area.  It's a little scary for me but I know tons of other military folks that do it that way.  We've done it once like this before (and we even ended up getting a chance to see the house before we officially moved in) and that was the only house out of all the ones we've lived in that I really didn't like.  I'm trying to look at it like it's an adventure and I get to have a surprise house waiting for us in just under two months now.  I've gotten to see about six pictures of it and while I love what I see, I can't for the life of me picture the layout.  I may go back and study each picture blown up...haha!

Our new house! 

April 11: Fibro is a beast.  I haven't had much relief from the pain and exhaustion since Good Friday.  It's been continuous for two weeks now.  Weaning myself from the Fibro meds was very, very difficult and as a result, I'm not sleeping well at night again.  I am completely off everything now, and I hurt...a lot.

 

 

Please, if you don't mind, continue to pray for us.  Thank Him for finding us a home!  Thank Him that He continually sustains me and shows me His faithfulness.  Ask that we would be content with IVF not working and content with our little family.  Ask that He would give me peace about the logistics for the work conference coming up and the logistics for all the requirements of IVF. 

 

We love you all!  

IVF #3 CD1-12

My IVF #3 journal:

CD 1: I got AF today. I expected it yesterday but I'm just happy I got it on a Friday instead of the weekend, which would have caused a bit of extra stress. When I called the RE clinic to tell them it started, for the first time in my infertility history, I got immediately connected to a human being! I didn't have to leave a voicemail and hope someone would call me back! The coordinator explained my next steps and I got to ask questions. You don't even know how happy that made me! Next up, lab work and bcp's.

CD 4: I did my CD 3 lab work this morning (my CD 3 was Easter and obviously the lab wasn't open). They drew TSH and estradiol to check my levels before proceeding. I've never had any issues before so I'm assuming my hormones are fine now too. I start bcp's tonight!!!

CD 9-11: Holy mother of all boob pain!  BCP's can suck it!  Seriously, I'd be OK with breast tenderness IF I was pregnant, but I am clearly NOT!  This is so NOT COOL.  Only 15 more days until I can stop!  I've ordered a Baltic Amber necklace and I'm hoping it can ease some of my Fibro pain and maybe as a bonus it'll help my girls too...

CD 12:  I decided to "organize" my fertility meds box again.  Sheeshhhhhhh, who needs 150 two inch 18 gage needles!  I think I have just as many 20 gage needles too.  I did find five boxes of progesterone so maybe that will come in handy.  No person needs that many needles...I wish I could donate them to another infertile like me.  I did have a thought that if the world goes to crap I could be a needle supplier.  Hey, you never know. 

She's 2 1/2!

My little girl is now closer to three than two!  Here are some favorites, according to her.

Food: Pizza
Color: Blue
Book: "the Jesus book" (Jesus Storybook Bible)
Bible Character: Goliath
Nursery Rhyme: Humpty Dumpty
Activity at Sea World: "riding the horses" (Carousel)
Animal: Elephant
Shape: Triangle
Show: Yo Gabba Gabba

New food tried and liked: Granola bars, grilled cheese, almonds, bran muffins

Potty Training: It's going better than I thought it would.  She wears Blueberry cloth training pants (she can feel the wetness if she has an accident) when we are at home (except for nap) and stays dry 90% of the time!  Going #2 is more difficult, and apparently scary, but she has gone once on the potty.  I'm so proud of her!  Aren't these the cutest little underwear!!?

Napping: UUGGHHHH.  She naps on average three times a week now.  I loath the day that she gives them up completely.  I'll be insisting on a "rest time" for sure. 

I haven't made a doc appt for her 30 month well child exam.  I guess I should get on that.  Our home scale said she weighs 26 lbs and I know she's over 3ft tall now. 

Some recent pictures from Sea World:

  

Another Month of Waiting

I'm a planner.  I'm also a person who typically freaks out when I get any kind of news, whether it be good or bad, but especially when it has to do figuring out plans.  I do eventually calm down, but for some reason I just need a good freak out period to help clear my mind and then I'm usually good to go. (That is with the help of many great friends who have listened to me cry and complain through the years.) 

I was told that I would be in group three of four for IVF.  That means that I was too early to start bcp's (birth control pills) when I got AF the end of last month.  I wasn't too thrilled about waiting another month/cycle and had a slight heart attack when the IVF coordinator told me that my egg retrieval should be around May 5, with the embryo transfer 3 or 5 days after.  There are some big conflicting plans around that time and when I hit my panic mode, my dear, sweet, loving husband had to remind me once again that it won't be the end of life if we have to miss a bit of a work conference (training for our next assignment) we're signed up for, for that exact same week.  Since then, I've been strangely calm about everything even though we can't figure out a time to go house hunting, not that we even have any orders to move yet.  Things don't seem to be lining up how I think they should, but isn't that the best time for God to do some molding and shaping in my life?  Is that true for you too?  I've had to take a step back and remind myself once again we won't be homeless, I will find my daughter a good preschool, and the IVF madness will work itself out-but only by the grace of God.  I truly trust that what He's doing is going to help me grow and I fully trust that He will put us in the exact neighborhood He wants us in. 

This month of waiting has ended up being really good for me, even though it wasn't what I orginally wanted.  Maybe it's just the calm before the storm but I'm really OK with that now. 

One of these days, if anyone is interested, I'll share my semi-funny but very crazy IVF/move to Kansas while my husband was in Vegas story. I'm hoping this next move doesn't turn into the very same thing. 

If you want to pray for us.  Pray:

-For hearts of contentment for any way this IVF cycle turns out
-For peace and low stress during IVF and moving
-That I will continue desiring a quiet time with focused prayer and a hunger for God's word

I love you all! 

MORE Testing

It seems like we have a lot going on right now. I guess starting IVF and moving in a few short months makes me feel like that (shades of moving from Idaho all over again). 

We got the IVF paperwork in the mail over the weekend.  It did help answer some questions I had (about freezing any unused embryos).  Many pages had to be signed and witnessed, which is pretty standard stuff that I've all done in previous rounds.  The only kicker is that all the required testing has to be done in February.  I was able to get mine completely done today (six vials of blood-Hep B surface antigen, Hep C Virus AB, Rubella Titer, AMH, RPR, HIV), since I had already done the Clomid challenge and got a bunch done before the endo surgery.  Now, it's DH's turn.  His fun starts tomorrow morning. 

I've decided that I'm not going to have any regrets this time.  No "what ifs" or "should haves".  I refuse to do anything that might in some way jeopardize the positive outcome we're hoping for.  If it doesn't work, I want to be able to look back and say that I did everything I could possibly do.  Once I get AF, I'm going off all Fibro meds, I'm back on the endo diet hard core, and I'm going to work out as much as my body and IVF will allow.

I'm still not completely sure if they are going to allow me to start IVF with my next cycle or the one after.  This next one won't technically be during April so they might have to hold me off.  We'll see soon enough I guess. 

Happy, Happy!

I GOT IN!!!!!  I'll be doing IVF in April!  To God all the glory!  Really, I don't believe this would have happened had God's hand not been in it.  ONE spot was available and *I* got it.  Apparently, I still have to go through MORE blasted testing-for what I don't know.  All the craziness starts NEXT WEEK as soon as I get AF.  There are many unanswered questions right now about how all of this is going to go down, but I'm supposed to learn more next week.  What I do know is that all the money-the entire lump sum-is due by March 15.  I know every place does things differently, but this is a change from my civilian clinics and yes, I'm sure we're going to encounter many more differences along the way. 

Bring on the needles! 

February Fun

I had my follow up/post op appt last week and I'd thought I'd share what happened.  The doc said I was healing nicely (even though I have a pretty pronounced sharp pain on my hip closest to the incision-bruised? Fibro?)  My belly button incision is still a bit tender (holding Skittle makes it worse) and my lower (the biggest) incision hasn't given me any issues at all.  The doc said that I could peel of my incision glue that night.  Well, I did and GROSS is all I can say.  I peeled off the one by my hip first and it left a pretty nasty hole. It creeped out DH so much that he told me that I better not peel off any more-at least for a couple days.  I stuck a band-aid over it and it since has scabbed up and doesn't look so scary anymore.  I've since removed the other two and everything seems to be OK. 

I was given pretty pictures of my insides too.  I debated whether or not to post them here but I decided not to since I didn't want you all to freak out from seeing my actual uterus, tubes, and scars.  Apparently, my left tube has some "clubbing" (abnormal looking) but shouldn't cause any fertility issues (uh, huh) and didn't need to be removed.  They also made some more repairs my uterine septum and I could definitely notice a difference in appearance of my uterus in the before and after pictures.  I was told that although this surgery may not aid in my fertility, it should help with AF pain issues.  We'll see. 

A bright spot was that I asked about being moved up to the April IVF group and while I'm still waiting for a call from the IVF coordinator, it looks like it might actually happen.  I know they are in the thick of things with the January IVF cyclers so I'll give them a couple more days before I start calling. 

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In other news, here are some pictures of my sweet girl doing some February crafts and at her v-day party. 

Love Canvas:

 Sensory Bin with Rice-and yes, I'll be finding rice EVERYWHERE for quite a while

 Party Time:

 

Surgery

Jan 27, 2013: Oh the week we've had!  I don't think I've ever been as sick as I have been this past week.  The flu hit us HARD and just today (seven days later) I'm feeling human again.  Skittle got it right along with me and we both acted like we were on our death beds for six straight days. 

I had my pre-op appts on Tuesday and I tried to fake being well (both a nurse and a doc told me that day that I didn't have the flu) and for the most part, I pulled it off.  I was at the hospital from 9:30-4pm that day but by the end I was wanting to crawl on my knees out the door as I had zero energy left.  I ended up having a 103 degree fever that night and Skittle had one that hit 106.  I was told that as long as I didn't have a fever or was coughing up green mucus the day of the surgery, I could still have it.  Today, so far, I have been fever free!  The only crappy part (pun intended) is that I have to do a colon cleanse and TWO enemas!  Apparently, the surgeon can see my insides better with me all cleaned out.  I've barely eaten all week and now that I'm not allowed to have anything more than "clear liquids," I'm starving!  For the record, I've never had to do anything like that before.  After one enema, I declared that I will NEVER do another one.  That was completely unnecessary after already doing a colon cleanse. 

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Fast forward!

Feb 4, 2013: I had surgery exactly one week ago and for the most part, I'm feeling OK.  They ended up giving me three incisions-one through my belly button, one close to my hip/ovary area, and one down low by my pubic bone.  I'm still pretty sore and tender but I think I'm healing fine. I have a follow up tomorrow so I'm sure I'll learn more then but I can report now that they got rid of stage I endo and they did some repairs to my uterine septum.  I was cleared to do IUI's since my tubes are open but as of right now, I have some mixed emotions about it.  I'll report again as soon as I know more.

I wanted to give a huge thank you to my mom for helping me with Skittle last week.  I couldn't have done this without you!  Also, a big thank you to our friends who made us lovely meals when we were sick and after the surgery.  You made things a bit easier for all of us!  I appreciate you!

Defeat

Another day, another doctor appt.  I'm starting to feel slightly defeated, not only about our baby making complications but getting relief from the fibro pain.  I saw my rheumy today and she suggested I see a pain specialist.  She said she's heard of other patients having the same kinds of pain I do with my legs and she said therapy (injectable nerve blocks) can really help.  The problem?  I can't do much of anything if we're trying to have more babies.  Add in all the bureaucratic crap of Tricare and I'm not even sure if I can be seen before we move in June.  I just can't win. 

I have my pre-op on Tuesday and then surgery on the 28th for my endo.  Before, two-ish months ago, I was pretty even keeled about it, not really feeling anything towards going under the knife again.  Now, I'm beginning to get anxiety and wishing I didn't have to go through it again.  I wanted to magically get pregnant with just the help of Clomid last month...oh the thought of not having to go through with taking birth control pills, no surgery, no IUI's or IVF and all that comes with it.  It wasn't to be, of course.  I've started the bcp's and I can't wait to stop.  It just does something to my mind to be taking them while wanting so much to have another child.  I understand the reasoning for taking them, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. 

It's been almost 5 1/2 years since I began seeking help for my infertility.  I'm tired.