Up's and Down's

What a week. This has been one of the hardest weeks I've gone through since first deciding to do infertility treatments. On Tuesday (8/14) I decided to test one more time, just for the heck of it. Go figure, it was positive. The problem? It was very, very faint. I've been testing every day to see if the lines are getting darker (an indication that hormone levels are going up the way they should) and they are not. Yesterday I took a digital preg test and it came up as "not pregnant" yet on my FRER's, I'm still getting a second line. Obviously, my hormone levels of HCG are VERY low and I know that this will end in a miscarriage.

(If you click on the picture you can see it better...the last test is from today)

I went in for my beta today and it was awful.  Dr. G in AZ wrote the order for the lab slip a bit goofy, not indicating the date for the progesterone draw (which I had done over a week ago) so the nurse here said that she was "legally obligated" to draw both the beta and the progesterone today.  Do you know how unhappy I was?  That was an EXTRA $150 on top of the beta test.  I said I didn't want to do it, that I knew I wasn't preg and it was unnecessary but they "HAD" to do it anyway.  I walked away in tears.  I'm figuring my beta will come back around a 10 (Skittles level at this same day post transfer was 169).  I just hope they call me today and I don't have to wait the weekend before stopping the PIO and Estrace.

I've had some things come into perspective this week and I wanted to share:

I am so thankful that we've been able to do all these infertility procedures.  Not everyone gets to even try as many times as we have.

I'm so thankful that I'm miscarrying now, vs eight weeks from now.

I'm so thankful for my amazing family and friends who are CONSTANTLY lifting me up in prayer and encouragement. 

I'm so thankful for my patient husband who (or is it whom?) endures the PIO shot with me and lets me sob all over him for days on end. 

I'm so thankful for my little girl-my little ball of energy and fun.  She reminds me to slow down and enjoy each little moment.

I'm so thankful for God's grace this week.  The emotional pain has been unrelenting yet He's still here, never leaving, never forsaking me. 

I've had to step away from fb for a while.  It just hurts too much right now to read status updates from all my pregnant friends.  I'm sure I'll go back on there eventually.  It just may be a while, as I need some time to heal.   

ETA: My beta is a 7.  Dr. G wants me to get a repeat beta on Monday to see if that number goes up or down.  I'm supposed to stay on meds until then.